A letter to Ms. S

I work in a MNC and being a language specialist, I always get assigned to different projects which need our translation services. Earlier, I had worked for a project, which was operating from Hyderabad, but then as they needed translators and I couldn’t relocate to Hyderabad, I could support from Bangalore itself. They call it remote support. After a stint of 6 months in Hyderabad- based project, I moved to another project and client, which was also German. This time, the project was based in Pune and yet again we were asked to support remotely. All the German translators in Bangalore came under one roof for this project and that was the fateful day when I met this lady, who I would be referring Ms. Suzi henceforth. I have never seen such a specimen in my life and true to what the people had to say about her, she made all other’s lives miserable and boring..

Here is an account of how I vent out all my frustration and anger and helplessness in a letter to her, which I never sent her, but after writing it down, I felt much better and things became much more bearable!

It goes:

Dear (Should I really address you as dear?? I do not want to, but then I have to follow certain etiquettes, isn’t it?) Suzi,

It is almost 1 year that I am blessed to be associated with you on a day to day basis.

I really wonder why God did this to me when he brought you and me together in one team. I had always heard about you and I must confess, it was not that encouraging and so I was always happy to have been working away from you all this time. But then as it is said, happiness doesn’t last forever and God made me sit with you for earning my bread and butter for the current project. I will definitely question him for doing this to me, he could have done anything else but meeting up with you.

Noooooooooooooooo

Where should I begin to narrate your greatness to this world?

Oh, I am short of words and phrases and idioms and in fact being silent would be the best option to describe you. But, then all people can’t read silences, can they?

So, here I go to show this world what they were missing (rather not missing) all this while!

Your confidence (or rather over-confidence) is just out of this world. The way you prove to the person standing opposite to you that he/she is here by mistake and that he/she is not even worthy enough to talk to you leaves me awestruck. You spare no chance in telling the outside world (who is never actually interested to even notice you) that this world, this country, this state, this city, this company and this organization is functioning just because of you. Had you been not there to take care of the daily matters in the team, the team and the project would have famished and would have gone to the dogs. How can the managers and the senior managers and the offshore guys ever thank you for what you have done for them and the project.

I am also short of words when it comes to talking to you. Why? Because you never let me talk. And it is more often you asking questions and you only answering them. It has to be always you who goes on and on about your driver and your spacious house and your education and what not. Do you ever accept that there are other people who can be as good and intelligent as you or rather far better than you? No, you never accept anyone above you and you are of the opinion that you are the only person who is well read, intelligent, compassionate, caring, organized, meticulous… and the list goes on. See, I am again short of words!!!

I sometimes wonder if you ever know the meaning of being meticulous and organized in work. At least your working style never reflects that. You are the most confused person I have ever met in my life and to explain simple things to you leaves me almost dead. I am left with no energy or enthusiasm to even laugh at your clumsiness and silly jokes of self-obsessive nature. I have to thank God for giving me a lot of patience when it comes to you, but I would like to let him and you know that I am slowly and steadily running out of it too!!!

You had Ms. Rosy to do every little thing for you at office. You enjoyed being there just for the name of it and I always thought that you both took each other as boss and secretary. You always assigned her ppts, excels, presentations, which she had no choice, but to execute them. She also had her own work which was assigned to her from her so-called project manager, but then how could she not help you out when you needed her. She was literally living in your shadow and I can imagine why and how she got promoted in a short time inspite of having a less experience in this field. She never said No to you and you also never took a No very sportingly. She was damn afraid of you I suppose and dreaded the fact that if she ever got cross with you, her career would be ruined! And I can imagine her happiness when she finally freed herself from your clutches and heaped a sigh of relief. She left the organization for some different reason which she officially communicated to everyone, but then I think you were also one of the reasons for her resignation. I really envy her and I also have suicidal attempts of letting this job go just because of you!!

You lost a secretary in her and yes also an admirer. She admired you (for whatever reasons!!!) and always appeared so “close” and good to you on face. She was also well aware that you like people who butter you and say good things about you and you also do the same to all important people in the hierarchy, whom you think can be of some help to you. You are very good at creating good impressions prima-facie, but then all people are not fortunate enough to change their impression about you later. They maintain the same good impression as they had in their first meeting with you. They all should come and work with you and get to know you better (for worse, I am sure!!) and then decide if they still are impressed with you and your personality.

It is often evident from your talks that your family doesn’t pay much attention to what your say at home and you hardly matter to them. Have you ever thought why people avoid you even at home? Your attitude towards life, people is a distraught one. I have no clue in which world do you live and what has gone to your head so much that you have become so self-obsessive? You do not realize how much you hurt the team and other people with your prejudiced thinking and negative commenting. You are so good on their face that when I listen to u and them talking, I think I will get diabetes. You portray yourself to be very perfect, but then I think you have blinded yourself to your short-comings and I am sorry to say, that you are not perfect. No one is. Even if you admit sometimes that you are not perfect and tend to make mistakes, you never act like it or believe in it. You think you are above all and whatever you say and do is always correct and that other people also should appreciate you in the same way even if they do not believe in it. I sometimes feel that you should seriously take help of some psychiatrist or medical counselor. There might be some chemical imbalance in there and that might be encouraging you to behave like this, without you being really conscious with you. But no, I do not want to empathize with you and get emotional as I have had enough from you by now.

I can go on and on, but I am really sick and tired and bored of you and your idiosyncrasies now. If you might have noticed me lately, I hardly give you any eye contact and show the least interest when you are boasting about yourself. I have really no inclination or interest to engage myself in knowing how you cook rice in the microwave daily and how your husband and son do not eat food till you cook rice or how you help your maid in helping her daughters to study. Everybody should do their own bit for self-development and other people’s development. But then you have marred self-development and hampered other’s development as well. No one, who knows you closely, can even speak a few positive words about you.

I really pity your ignorance sometimes and wish God gives you some sound lessons and opens your eyes some or the other time. There has to be someone who would challenge you and put an end to your boastful bouts of self-praise and tell you boss, enough is enough, and I cannot bear you any longer.

Please introspect sometimes and give a thought, why I wrote this letter to you and what is that you really need to work on. Clear off your head which has stupid ideas about your self. Being confident is good, but being proud and haughty leaves you with nothing.

I am eagerly waiting for that time when even I can be happy like Ms. Rosy and move away from you forever. I would not like to meet you again in my life and I wish you lots of luck and wishes in your future endeavors of charming people and creating “good” impressions on them.

God spare me please!!!!!!!!

Picture Perfect

It was a perfect day to start writing on something which was so near and close to my heart. I was very excited to bring life into my new characters, Rasika and Mihir. I was longing to breathe air into these two long forgotten characters, which I knew existed in some corner of the world or maybe even in your life. I decided to pen down everything that came to my mind after I thought of Mihir.

Mihir came from a middle-class family, parents were retired and he had an elder brother who was married and had settled in some other city with his wife. Mihir had a very small friend circle and he led a very ordinary and simple life. He was well-educated, had a good position in the office, was respected, but the family values had much more grip on him than his status and position, which was a very good thing. He never had an inclination to go ahead and build new contacts and friends. He was happy with his life and then one day, suddenly he gets an off liner on his yahoo messenger from a girl called Rasika. He has never known a girl by this name. Who can she be to leave a message like this on his yahoo id? From where did she get his yahoo id? Was there something, which he had long forgotten and was surfacing again? No, there was no such history which had a chapter called Rasika. But he was not yet aware that Rasika was soon going to be a big chapter in his life soon.

Strange are the ways people meet nowadays, does it hold good in a cyber age like today? I think, more important is the next meeting after the initial introduction. The first meet can either be your last meeting with that person or it can trigger a series of meetings and learning sessions with that person. Isn’t it? Mihir tried to trace Rasika for many days, but she was not to be seen online anytime. He had so many questions to ask her, but she was evading him, at least Mihir thought so. He had to clarify so many things with her and finally that day arrived, when Mihir met Rasika online.

Rasika: Hi, Mihir! How are you?

Mihir: I am not very good; do I know you by any chance? I got your off liner.
Rasika: Oh yes, actually, I am also a member of the e-group to which you have subscribed. I joined recently, was just surfing through the member’s list, when I came across your name. Thought of saying hi to you! Hope you didn’t mind.

Mihir sighed; what a relief and then suddenly his tension vanished. But why was he so tensed on seeing an off liner from an unknown girl. That was because he never had any female friend and he was not very comfortable talking to women. And one keeps on reading about so much of cyber crime, that he got afraid and took Rasika to be some hooker. Thankfully, Rasika turned out to be very different than he could have imagined.

Mihir: Oh, ok, Not a problem! I did not have any reference of yours and was wondering about the off liner you sent me the other day. Now that it is clear, why you pinged me, I have no qualms in returning a hello to you.

Rasika was very happy to read this and she thought she has met a decent guy in Mihir.
Rasika: Thank you so much. Let me introduce myself to you. I am Rasika Ranade, I stay in Parle. I am currently working with Mentorix and am a Chartered Accountant. I love music, singing, and poetry. I enjoy anything and everything that is related to nature and I believe everything created by nature is beautiful. I am 25 years old, love talking, making friends. I can go on and on. Your chance now!

Mihir was already lost in this super fast narration of things. Smiling to himself, he replied:

Mihir: That’s ok. I am Mihir Oak and I am an engineer, stay in Dadar. I like listening to music, watching plays and movies, reading etc.

Rasika: That’s nice. Glad to meet you officially, Mihir!

Mihir: Pleasure is mine.

Rasika: Ok, Thanks gotta leave now. My company bus leaves in exactly 10 minutes. Will talk to you tomorrow, you take care and have a nice evening. Glad meeting you once again, byeeee.

Mihir: Yes, sure, c ya.

After this official and formal introduction, they both chatted almost daily. Rasika was a chatterbox and she would go on with narrating whatever happened in the office, at home, with friends. It seemed as if their talks had no end and they felt as if they know each other since so many years now. Mihir was a very good listener and he was bowled by Rasika’s chirpy and bubbly attitude. She would go on talking and he would go on listening. Mihir was actually a very shy and quiet and an introvert kind of a person and he had never met anyone like Rasika before, so full of life and sunshine! Mihir was actually surprised at himself when he started looking forward to the talking sessions with Rasika.

It was a healing process for both of them. It was a process of knowing each other so well that they often reacted in the same way on different things and shared same emotions and thoughts on things, people, and issues. It was getting more and more interesting between them, when suddenly Rasika got an opportunity to go abroad for a new job. She was thrilled and happy and she jumped at the thought of the new offer. Mihir was very happy for her. They could keep in touch through mails and chats. Today, the distance of 10000 kilometers doesn’t matter much as the technology has thrown open so many means of keeping in touch with each other, though virtually.

Finally the day arrived and Rasika moved to California. She got a nice place to stay, work was interesting. It was a good learning experience for her. It was a new country for her, the people were new and different and so was the culture. Being a people person, she befriended many even in a distant country. She visited places, learnt cooking, managing house on her own. She became an expert in her work and was even awarded the best employee title. She shared all this with Mihir, who was still in India. She told him everything, everything except…
That she had a soft corner for Mihir and that given a chance, she would have loved to become his wife!!

There are often such instances in life when we do not express our true and innermost feelings towards a person in the fear of losing that person forever. Do you call this foolishness or just genuine concern and need for the other person’s friendship? Rasika never mentioned this to Mihir and Mihir would have never got to know about it until one day when they talked for a long time after many days!

Mihir: What are you saying? Why didn’t you tell this to me before Rasika?

Rasika: I wanted to tell you, but then thought it would be of no use.

Mihir: What do you think you are? God? To decide things by yourself, whether they are good or bad? You should have told me once, Rasika, I would have never let you gone. It is true that I didn’t share the same feeling like you did for me, but I would have definitely not said no to you. We would have worked it out!

Now talking all this was of no use because both got married in the meanwhile. Rasika was adjusting with her new life as a wife and daughter-in-law and she was finding it a bit difficult. Which marriage doesn’t require adjustments and compromise? Her husband was not too bad; it was just that he wasn’t like 100 other princes who swept their princesses off the feet. He was less expressive; more focused towards work, less social, very ambitious, but had no bad habits. Rasika and her husband were poles apart. But then which relationship doesn’t need time? Rasika was doing exactly that!

Mihir had found a girl of his dreams. He had become more engaged in the e-group and had met this girl there who was very timid, loving and talkative and good hearted. They fell in love, while arranging an event for the group. It is best to first know the person, understand him well, start liking him and then fall for him. Their’s was an ideal journey which culminated into a marriage.

Rasika was happy for Mihir and they continued to be their self even after their marriages. Rasika shared her concerns with Mihir and they discussed any personal issue in their lives with each other. They shared a tremendous rapport and had a great understanding between them. Mihir consoled Rasika when she was down and Rasika made Mihir understand when he was unreasonable. It was as if they were Uncle Sam and Aunt Dorothy for each other.

It is often observed that once friends get married, their contact with each other lessens and stops completely after a few years. It is very natural to happen as now their priorities change and the focus shifts to the life-partners, family responsibilities and different roles now. Weekends are devoted to talk and relax. Shopping for groceries and vegetables becomes an integral part of the week-end. Keeping track of various things is also necessary to run house successfully. Lot of things comes up with marriage. Fights, tensions, misunderstanding, clashes on one hand and there is also security, feeling of belonging to someone, sharing and caring for that person with whom we are going to spend our entire life, walking side by side in every walk of life and being there for each other, come what may!

Rasika and Mihir were going through all these patches in their respective lives and sometimes when it became difficult to take something from their life partners, they would often imagine each other in those situations. Once it happened that Rasika got upset over something and began to cry and her husband didn’t even bother to console her. At that point, Rasika thought about Mihir and said to herself, Mihir would have never seen a tear in my eyes. Mihir was also having a row over the naming ceremony of his son with his wife and he thought, Rasika would have definitely understood. But the best part was that Rasika and Mihir’s friendship blossomed even more after marriage.

They both didn’t have friends so close to whom they could talk anything and everything. They could talk endlessly on any topic and there was no end to their discussions and sometimes even fights.

Rasika: I hate cooking; I would do that as the last thing on earth.

Mihir: Why? It is such a good skill and the joy one gets by serving food made by our own hands to the loved ones is just out of this world. Don’t you like cooking different dishes for your husband and then seeing so much gratitude and love in his eyes for you?

Rasika: No, I do not feel like it. There are other things which I like doing and which bring joy to my life, but definitely not this.

Mihir: Oh, so you just want to be different, unlike other women, who spend time in cooking, you are not an average woman; a house-maker isn’t it? You think, by being a rebel, you can prove your point?

Rasika: That has nothing to do with being a rebel. It is just that my priorities are different.

Mihir was often left with no choice than giving in because he never wanted to hurt her. He never wanted to make her feel sad.

Mihir: Ok, madam. When I visit you, will you cook for me?

Rasika: Of course, anything for you, Mihir!

Mihir: Thanks!

Mihir could sense the earnestness with which Rasika told him everything happening in her life. She was just like a child, laughing, giggling all over the sessions, they talked. Mihir was slowly getting the real sense of their relationship. He got all the more engrossed in the sessions with her. He started waiting for her to come online, if there was anything important to tell, Rasika was the first person to know about it, of course after his wife. All the important events in is life were shared with Rasika. His promotion, increase in the pay package and even the good news of becoming a prospective father were first told to Rasika. Mihir was unable to understand, why he was being so close to Rasika now even after being happily married. He once mentioned this to her and she tried to explain their relationship to him. It was so very close and intimate, but never involved anything physical. They never touched each other, even in dreams or wildest of dreams. They had a very pure and pious relationship. What if they couldn’t be with each other as husband and wife, they were together as friends and guides.

They knew their limits and also their duties towards their respective families. Their families came first and they both were fine with it. Though they did not always express it, Rasika knew in her heart that they were soul-mates.

Mihir: Soul mates? WOW! What a flashy name! Do you believe in these things?

Rasika: Yes, I do. Tell me on thing. Why do you like some people and why do you hate sight of some people? Why do you want to go on talking with someone and why do you want to cut a conversation short with someone for no obvious reason?

Mihir: Can you be a bit clearer on what you are trying to explain? I am not able to exactly get to the bottom of it.

Rasika: Yes, I will explain it to you. Do you remember I had told you about a book called “Many minds, many masters” in which a doctor conducted a regression therapy on his patient who was suffering from depression, chronic fear, anxiety?

Mihir: Yes, I remember something of that, so are you trying to relate that story to us?

Rasika: Yes, Mihir, every thing is this world is related to something or the other, that is if you believe so or else there is no relation between a mother and a child also..

Mihir: Ok, ok, do not get so hyper, go on with your theory, I am listening!

Rasika: Yes, coming back to the story. Dr. Brian Weiss did an experiment on his patient, Ms. Catherine and recorded everything she said in the regression therapies. And you know what; she gave a minute detail of each of her past birth when she was taken to that particular birth.

Mihir: What??

Rasika: Let me complete. She was able to go to all her previous 84 births which she is believed to have lived. She hardly remembers them when she is brought back to the present. And as she progressed from one birth to another, there were masters accompanying her in the transit who gave sermons on what is life, why do we take birth, what is the purpose of our life etc. She seemed to get better and better with every birth that she visited, she lost all her fears and inhibitions and pains and seemed to be much more confident, radiant and happy when she got back to this life. And the height of it is that she met her soul-mate in this birth, got married to him and is very happy with her life now. And that soul-mate of hers seemed to be related to her in every birth, he was her mother, her lover, her brother, her father in every birth and finally in this birth their union took place for good and culminated into marriage. And one more point mentioned in the book, which I really like to believe is that all the souls who are related to each other travel in groups in every life. That may be one of the reason why you think you know a person since so many years, when you have just seen them for the first time. There is some past life connection with the people you are related now with. Your wife may be your mother in the last birth and she traveled with you to be your life-partner and give you all the love and happiness which might have not been possible in the last births that you were together!

Mihir: Phew! This is something very difficult to comprehend for people who are rationalists, isn’t it?

Rasika: Yes, it is! But do you think this might be possible?

Mihir: What might be possible?

Rasika: That you and me might be related somehow and that is why we met again now out of nowhere??

Mihir: I will not refute that! Or else, why do I want to talk to you all the time I am in office? Why do I want to share all my happiness and sadness with you? Why do I wait to say hello to you in the morning without which my day doesn’t begin at all?? And why do I not feel that I am cheating on my wife!

Rasika: of course, you are not cheating on your wife, Mihir! It is just that we met late or rather I failed to recognize you as my soul-mate or else your wife and my husband wouldn’t have been in the picture at all, isn’t it?

Mihir: Yes, that’s right! I am true to my wife and give her 100 % of my life and it is also true that I like you more than a friend. We both know that it might not be possible to meet personally anytime in life once you and I start a family. You are in a different geography and I am in some different location. We just meet online, everyday. Do you remember the last time we talked on phone with each other?

Rasika: (smiling to Her): No, Mihir, I do not remember at all. But still it doesn’t seem that you are so far from me. I believe in power of thoughts and you are always in my thoughts, so far, but yet so near!

Mihir: You speak so nicely and you weave your thoughts in such a nice fashion, that I just adore it. I like to listen to you and want you to be happy always!

Rasika: Yes, I love to talk on such things but it is also important that the other person at the other end has an interest in it and shares the same thought and sentiment. It is very fortunate to have someone like you, who thinks just like me. It is a very good feeling, when you can relate to some other people also who share the same wave-length.

Mihir: Oh yes, tell me about it. I have so many friends, but I am not open to all, rather not so much open with even my male friends. But you! You are completely different subject all together.

Rasika: Yes, Mihir, I am aware of it. When there are similar thoughts and those thoughts flow in the same direction, the boundaries of sex, age, caste, and creed do not matter at all. It is just identification with a soul, with a person. And then it hardly matters if he is a male or a female, a child or a grown-up, isn’t it?

Mihir: How true! You are just outstanding in putting things so clearly and explaining things to me. I have never put any relation, a close relation as this into the logic of maths.

Rasika: Logic of maths?

Mihir: Yes, logic of 2+2=4 as in Rasika + Mihir = soul-mates!!
Rasika: (laughs loudly): You are a genius!

Mihir: Yes, I am to have you as my dearest and closest friend.

Rasika: Thanks and I also share the same sentiment! Tell me, what will happen if we lose touch with each other in the coming years? You will have your family, I will have mine. Once kids come in, your life doesn’t remain your own.

Mihir: I am already experiencing it. Who can know it better? But why do you want to think about the future, when we both are in touch now?

Rasika: I am just exploring the possibility, Mihir. Life is uncertain and you never know what it might bring you.

Mihir: I do not want to think about it now, all I know is such a thing won’t happen at all.

Rasika: Ok, I was expecting that!

Were they being true to each other when they said that they would not lose contact with each other all their lives? Who can give guarantee of tomorrow, leave apart, some years from now? But one always lives in hope, isn’t it? One always wishes a good future for oneself, togetherness of the loved ones. Who can stay away from the most important people in their lives? Rasika and Mihir had found soul-mates in each other, but they were not destined to be together in the journey of life. They were leading their own separate lives with their life partners, rather a very happy and fulfilling life with their life partners, but they knew deep inside, that the case could have been completely different, had it been a different destiny in this life. But they had no regrets. They had a person to confide in, share with, and yet who had no demands or expectations. Yes, there were no expectations as they both had accepted each other just as they were and no one expected from the other person to put in some extra bit of zing thing. They were happy with whatever was going on and they never tried to change each other in any way. They were always there for each other in all walks of life, though virtually. It is also important, isn’t it? To have someone like a rock in your life who would always stand by you in bad weather and on whom you can always lean on when you get tired or want to rest.

But a thought always crosses my mind, if their love had brought them so far from the past births to this birth, why didn’t they get united in this birth? What was that thing which still remains to be achieved for them to always be together? We wouldn’t know the real end of their story as there might be so many births after this, or perhaps this could be their last birth.

My question remains unanswered, but I realized one thing, people can fill wonderful colors in other people’s lives and make the picture of others life, perfect, not by their physical presence, but by just being there in thoughts and blessings!

Unrequited

Paulo Coelho has said in some book of his. There is always a reason for meeting people in our life. There is some giving, taking, sharing, learning which happens when we meet someone. There is give and take of love, information, ideas etc. There is definitely a purpose behind this “destined” meeting. Philosophy fascinates me very much and I try to find the things which I read in the daily life and then try to analyze. One such true incident gave me enough proof that there is always something very fascinating and deep hidden in this event of meeting people.

People meet each other in many different ways, but stranger are the ways how they become buddies and stick out with each other and try to help each other out in any problem. Being always there matters and that was essence of Sanjeevani’s and Pushkar’s friendship. Sanjeevani is an average girl, married since some years now, is away from her family and friends and she tries to make some friends here, in the city of gardens so that she has someone to talk to about things that fancy her and which are close to her heart. Sanjeevani met Pushkar in her office and they clicked almost instantaneously and felt as if they were meeting after a gap of many years. It was like long lost friends catching up with the lost time.

Pushkar is originally from Maharashtra, now in Bangalore since past 3 years. He is working on a good position and is a very happy go lucky person. He loves enjoying all the possible things in life and he is always energized and charged up. He likes to cook, play badminton, watch movies and go on trekking. He lived alone in a small apartment and did the cooking, cleaning, maintaining the house all by himself. He likes to do all the household sundries and has no hang ups about anything in life. He is always cheerful, confident and ready to take anything and everything in his stride. He is a very good listener, counselor and he wants people around him to always be happy. In all, he is a very positive person and a true gem of a person.

Opposite to him is Sanjeevani. She is sad about the pace of her personal life, is constantly sulking, complaining, depressive, cries at the drop of a hat and thinks she alone is the sufferer of many a things in life and that she deserved something better and would like to end her miserable life. She is over-matured as compared to her age and believes there is no thing called love in this world and smile hasn’t visited her since many days. Due to this repetitive boring attitude of hers towards life, she had almost lost on the originality and innocence she had. She never tried to come out of this phase and lived in a shell of hers, where everything was dark, gory and sad and believed this was the wrong time that she took birth on this earth and in this era. In short, she was a completely negative person, but very good at heart. She was a good listener too and friendship for her was something which gave her relief from her dull and boring life.

How on earth would these two people like each other and how could they become great buddies? But just as it is said, opposites attract, I think the same happened between them and they shared all things going in their lives. Rather, it was Sanjeevani who did most of the talking and Pushkar did the listening part. There was certain warmth and some charm in her, which attracted him to her. Her child like innocence and the view which she had of the world was so very different than the matured and independent ladies of today. There was something very queer about her, which made him feel angry about her sadistic attitude towards life. He also genuinely cared for her and wished to take her out from this phase. He had started to take a liking for her and his day didn’t start without talking to Sanjeevani. He wanted to know everything that happened in that particular day when both of them were not interacting! Sanjeevani also looked forward to sessions where they discussed her work, her personal life, her likes, dislikes, her passions, her dreams, and her longing to attract some attention of her workaholic and practical husband. She was caught in some kind of rut, where she and her husband were not able to understand each other and there were differences and they were growing apart and cold day by day.

Pushkar always listened to one side of Sanjeevani’s story. He never got to meet or interact with her husband and he was not able to understand why her husband is so different from 10 other people and why can’t he behave normally with such a cute and sweet girl like Sanjeevani. Sanjeevani was also not a perfect human being. No one is, but as Sanjeevani was his best friend, he tried his best to help her, protect her and bring her out from this lopsided life of hers. They always spoke about Sanjeevani’s life, but nothing much about Pushkar’s life as if there was no existence of his beyond her and without her. It was as if Sanjeevani was his personal responsibility and keeping her happy and cheerful was his part of job which he did very sportingly.

Perhaps this is what they call love and Pushkar was unaware of all this going in his life. He had no thoughts other than her; he literally breathed her, thought her, slowly got involved in her and though he knew this was not going to take him anywhere or bring him anything, he expressed his love towards her. Sanjeevani was well aware of what was going on in his mind, because she trusted him so much that she started reading his thoughts. Sanjeevani had found a soul mate in Pushkar and she was very sure that if she was single, she would have definitely loved to spend her entire life with Pushkar. It was a very soothing thing for her to know that someone loves her inspite of all her idiosyncrasies. But she also knew her boundaries and knew that she can’t leave her present life and husband and she also knew that life is always full of adjustments. Friends who turn into life partner undergo a total change and “expectations” stick to their skins. She was not sure, if Pushkar would also have undergone the same change as 100 others do, but she was quite sure that the scene with him would have been quite different.

What all would Pushkar not do for her in case they were together?

He would always keep on calling on her, pampering her, praising her, being around her to protect her from any misery, sadness, pain. He would stand against all odds and be her friend to lend her a shoulder to cry on, philosopher to help her overcome anxiety and fear, a guide to show her the path to happiness and cheerfulness, a mother when she would be down. He would miss her the moment she was away from him and would always, rather all the time think of her and her happiness. He would give her the best and always be proud of having such an intelligent, caring, but a bit disillusioned her by his side. He would accept her just as she is with all her shortcomings, her flaws, her faults and always bank on the good things she has. He would nurse her wounds and heal them with his jokes and tales and would make her sleep singing a favorite song of hers.

Sanjeevani knew, Pushkar would do all this for her, but she was not married to him, but someone else whom she thought she knew, but things turned out to be completely different for both of them. She made it clear to Pushkar that it will not be possible for her to give him anything in return for his limitless love and affection. Pushkar was ok with it. He took all this pain in his stride, which was very much his characteristic and said smiling:

Pushkar: It is ok, Sanjeevani. It is not less that we at least met. It is entirely my problem that I like you so much and want to be with you all the time.

Sanjeevani: But, Pushkar, how can you live like this? How long will this go on?

Pushkar: What? Love is even after death is what I have heard, but this life-time will be spent on you and I have no issues, really! You don’t have to do anything about it other than just being with me just as you are, talking and sharing all things.

There was a time when Sanjeevani voiced out the desire to walk out of her married life as it was increasingly getting difficult for her to cope emotionally. The differences were so huge that even their parents knew about their estranged relationship. At that time, Pushkar had expressed his wish to get married to her and be with her all his life. But Sanjeevani refused, she was not sure of what she really wanted and asked him to carry on with his life. She always wished someone better for him. He deserved a much more dynamic, intelligent and emotionally stable girl.

In the meanwhile, Pushkar got married and they lost touch with each other due to some petty quarrel. But Pushkar made it up and started talking to her again. By this time, Sanjeevani was out of her sad mood and had found a new meaning for herself in whatever she did. She stopped being fussy, irritable, sulky, sullen, self pitying and had started finding happiness in every small thing. She had stopped bothering about her impossible husband, rather she had given up on him completely and instead of brooding over him and her life, she lashed out on the problem very violently and chucked tears, sadness, and depression out of her life.

Pushkar was very delighted to see Sanjeevani, who underwent quite a change in his absence. Maybe that was also one of the factor that Sanjeevani decided to be strong and happy as Pushkar was not around to listen to sad and boring tales. Sanjeevani almost believed that she had lost a dear friend for life. But what is friendship and love without its ups and downs, without its after-effects? He liked Sanjeevani in her revamped form, where she was very happy and cheerful just as he had always wanted her to be in every walk of life. He believed life is too short to sit brooding and one should live each day as it is his/her last day on the earth.

All is well that ends well, isn’t it? But this story doesn’t end here.

Pushkar still loves Sanjeevani, still misses her in every walk of life and remembers her on every small occasion or event. He knows very well that he has to be loving and caring to his life partner now which he also is, but he also can’t stop loving Sanjeevani just because she is not his wife. He loves his wife but loves Sanjeevani more than her.

Now, is there anything like this you have ever known? Do you think this is possible? I was not aware of such type of love, which is eternal and endures all boundaries of time and space. Can anyone go on loving the other person endlessly and crazily even if he knows that nothing is going to come out of it? Can anyone love someone whom he is never going to be with? Can anyone always pray for the happiness of someone, when he knows quite well that he is not going to be a part of that happiness ever? Can someone have such a big heart? Is there no end to that spring of love, warmth and care whose name is Pushkar? Is there no world where these two people can be together?

Perhaps, in the next birth.

Perhaps, never.

Can anyone love someone in this way? Can anyone be so much involved in someone like this? Is this madness, craziness or just another form of pure, passionate and undemanding love?

But this is the very essence of true love, isn’t it?

Undemanding yet fulfilling.

Not expecting, but yet giving away everything.

Being always there no matter what.

Being away and far, yet being so very near and being dear

People come in all shapes and sizes, but this is 1

God sent angel!

She was the one

Daily, I get up at 6:30. In one hour, I finish off all my routine of brushing teeth, doing Pranayam, taking a bath, and then breakfast, praying and leaving for the office. I catch a local at 7:42 and reach office exactly at 9:30 after taking a train to Dadar and then again a train to Bandra and then a 15 walk to the office. This has been my schedule for the past 15 years. Nothing has ever changed in this routine of mine. Only when monsoons arrive and only when it rains like crazy and the trains get late are there some chances of me getting late to the office. Like always, I reached Bandra station at 9:15. There is always a rush on the train during peak hours and sometimes I do not get a place to sit. But still, I was never bored with this journey from home to the office which was almost 2 hours one way. We all had formed a group that traveled at the same time on the same train from the past many years. Relieving ourselves of personal tensions and preparing ourselves for the boring mundaneness of office work, we had formed a family outside the home. That was also just another day when I said bye to my train friends and stepped out of the Bandra station and I saw her... I stood frozen for 2 minutes. I could understand now what that "love at first sight means". I had seen it many times in the movies or read it in books, but this was the first time I had really felt something like it. I didn't know what to do. I stood there like crazy watching and observing her from top to bottom. She had a fair complexion, a pink luster just like a rose. She was looking very fresh just like the morning dew. I fell short of words in exactly describing her. My mind was racing, the heart was pounding, thoughts were swarming. I came to my senses and realized that I was still on the road and to reach the office literally running. I was happy the other days in doing that, but today somehow I just dragged my feet and left from there. Not for a minute, I could think away from her. Her image was dancing in front of my eyes. I could not even watch her to my heart's fullest content. I should have waited for some more time, will I see her in the evening? Oh god, help me. I was having a very different feeling and butterflies in my stomach. There were certain uneasiness and longing. 9 hours were just not passing today. There are only 60 seconds in a minute, but today those were passing like an hour. If I could have some power on time, I would have taken him directly to 6 o'clock, when I could push off to see her again (in case I was lucky. Everything was so quiet today. I was not able to concentrate on anything, couldn't eat properly, couldn't talk to my colleagues today. She had occupied my day, time, and space today. At last, the clock struck 6:30 and I rushed from the office. On other days, I would chat away to glory even after 6:30, but today was out at 6:31. Everybody was surprised at my behavior today, but I neither had time and inclination to explain to them the chain of events. I literally ran my way to the station and there I saw her again. She was looking just the same as I had left her in the morning, beautiful, delicate, attractive. I was happy to see her and was all my painstaking efforts were fruitful in seeing and meeting her again. This started happening almost daily now. Seeing her, observing her, thinking about her became my daily routine. But it was only confined to whatever I felt for her. I could never express my feelings to her. Every day I mustered courage but thought tomorrow would be a good day to break the ice. I had almost lost track of time and I had already lost the peace of my mind. I didn't realize when June approached and one day it exactly happened as it is often shown in the Hindi movies. It was raining heavily accompanied by a strong gush of wind, thunder and lightning were also dancing with each other. Skies were oozing black color and in this totally romantic atmosphere, I saw her with someone else... Yes, it was raining very heavily and he was with her. Yes, with her With the umbrella, which I had liked soooooooooo much!!!!!!

Abhi...

It has been 4 years now that I talked to Abhishek. And on Tuesday, I get an off liner from him on yahoo asking how am I doing? I was so happy to see his message that I didn't know how to react and what to write? I replied back saying I was fine and asked about his well-being! Why has he pinged me after so many years? Does he still remember me? miss me? Has he got married? Does he have kids? Does he still go on selling mobiles? Does he have a new car now? I wanted to ask him so many questions, but he was offline and I didn't think it proper to dig out all that has been buried by me. Why was I so happy about seeing his message? Hadn’t I forgotten him and kicked him out of my life?

Abhishek, a hurricane, a windstorm in my life which came for a very short time and left in the same manner, keeping me hazed for life. It is very true that I haven't been able to forget him for a day of my life. It is just like you breathe in and out that I think about him. He was the first person in my life who said, I was beautiful and that was very important to me at that point in life, where I was feeling lost, inferior and almost on the verge of collapsing. I do not know what he saw in me, I was neither beautiful nor sexy and intelligent. But yes, my heart was pure and that reflected in all my actions, I guess.

I do not know how I took such a great risk of meeting a stranger. A person, whom I had just talked to on the phone and knew nothing about him at all, it was just a blind faith, craziness, puppy love which attracted me towards him. But somehow I didn't feel any pangs about it and straight away went and met him without any fear. Now when I think of it, I laugh at myself for being so reckless and careless. He could have done anything to me at that time, cos I was just a kid in front of him. He had a big treasure of experiences with him, he dealt with people all the time and knew what types of people are there in the corporate world and how bad is it. But, when it came to interacting with me, he was altogether a different person. A caretaker, a friend, a father figure, who always treated me as a small kid lost in this big bad world! He used to tell me about the things he did at work and all the fun and frolic he has while working. He always worked till 1-2 in the night and never considered work as work and that is the reason he always enjoyed it and never got tired of it. No matter what happened he always was up and going, even if he didn't get proper sleep. I was amazed at his stamina and the way he dealt with any damn problem that poses before him.

He seldom got angry, but when he was, all the possible bad words use to foul his mouth, and he was only a professional at that time, no more a human being. He cared for people, his family, expressed less as most of the men do. He donated some amount of money to the needy children every year so that they get a quality life. One bad habit was his smoking habit, which I detested. He used to call it "occupational hazard" as he was unable to quit it due to his colleagues who were also chain smokers and the stressful job was another factor, which "needed" smoking to be relieved of the tension and stress. How funny!

The outlook on life was very different when it came to both of us. He was a man, carefree, without any responsibilities and I was a girl who wanted to achieve something in life with the degree she had earned after working very hard for it. I was a safe-player and he a big risk-taker. This was one of the main reasons why we couldn't be together in the journey of life. He wanted to first establish relations go about and then commit and I was dead against any such thing, no matter how forward this society had become. I was just not ready to shed this fear and inhibition, if you may call so. Yes, if I had married him, then I was all his. But till that time, I was not ready to sacrifice my celibacy, not even for a person whom I loved the most. Such was my moral or conviction. And this was the main thing, which set us apart.

We tried many times before in the period in which we were together to stop calling each other or thinking about each other, but all the attempts were unsuccessful. Then finally one day, he called at night and vented out all his anger, frustration on me by calling me a heart breaker and calling my love and affection and care for him as a big lie. I was very hurt by this statement of his because I had invested my 100 % in me and was ready to be by his side under favorable circumstances. But in his anger at that moment, he ruined those remote chances and I took that statement by heart after which I never called him, though I thought about him almost every day and even thought of calling him on his birthday, which is 2 days later than mine. But I didn't and thus we drifted apart physically, but were it also mentally?

I do not know what he thought about that fateful day about me, but he never tried to contact me after that day, except for 2-3 times on yahoo messenger, which I royally ignored as I didn't want to continue any relationship with him and by that time I had mistakenly fallen in love with the person who is, unfortunately, my husband now. I wanted to give my husband, my 200 % in which I didn't succeed and today, I think what did I see in my life partner that I decided to spend my entire life with him? Was it love in the real sense or was it just for seeking revenge on Abhi who left me without even hearing my side? Did I really fall in love or just in the idea or fashion of falling in love? Just like any other fairy tale story, I imagined myself in the arms of my prince, swept by my feet, etc. which never ever works in real life!

Anyways, I had only seen it in films or read it in books that you let go of whatever is with you in search of finding something better and I think, I have exactly done that in failing to recognize my true happiness with a person who was exactly opposite to me and ended up spending a life with someone whom I thought was like me. Books and movies are a reflection of human life, isn't it? What would you call our bond as? Failed and broken just because we are not in touch or eternal and everlasting because we still think of each other, but that has remained only in our hearts?

You have to decide...