It has been 4 years now that I talked to Abhishek. And on Tuesday, I get an off liner from him on yahoo asking how am I doing? I was so happy to see his message that I didn't know how to react and what to write? I replied back saying I was fine and asked about his well-being! Why has he pinged me after so many years? Does he still remember me? miss me? Has he got married? Does he have kids? Does he still go on selling mobiles? Does he have a new car now? I wanted to ask him so many questions, but he was offline and I didn't think it proper to dig out all that has been buried by me. Why was I so happy about seeing his message? Hadn’t I forgotten him and kicked him out of my life?
Abhishek, a hurricane, a windstorm in my life which came for a very short time and left in the same manner, keeping me hazed for life. It is very true that I haven't been able to forget him for a day of my life. It is just like you breathe in and out that I think about him. He was the first person in my life who said, I was beautiful and that was very important to me at that point in life, where I was feeling lost, inferior and almost on the verge of collapsing. I do not know what he saw in me, I was neither beautiful nor sexy and intelligent. But yes, my heart was pure and that reflected in all my actions, I guess.
I do not know how I took such a great risk of meeting a stranger. A person, whom I had just talked to on the phone and knew nothing about him at all, it was just a blind faith, craziness, puppy love which attracted me towards him. But somehow I didn't feel any pangs about it and straight away went and met him without any fear. Now when I think of it, I laugh at myself for being so reckless and careless. He could have done anything to me at that time, cos I was just a kid in front of him. He had a big treasure of experiences with him, he dealt with people all the time and knew what types of people are there in the corporate world and how bad is it. But, when it came to interacting with me, he was altogether a different person. A caretaker, a friend, a father figure, who always treated me as a small kid lost in this big bad world! He used to tell me about the things he did at work and all the fun and frolic he has while working. He always worked till 1-2 in the night and never considered work as work and that is the reason he always enjoyed it and never got tired of it. No matter what happened he always was up and going, even if he didn't get proper sleep. I was amazed at his stamina and the way he dealt with any damn problem that poses before him.
He seldom got angry, but when he was, all the possible bad words use to foul his mouth, and he was only a professional at that time, no more a human being. He cared for people, his family, expressed less as most of the men do. He donated some amount of money to the needy children every year so that they get a quality life. One bad habit was his smoking habit, which I detested. He used to call it "occupational hazard" as he was unable to quit it due to his colleagues who were also chain smokers and the stressful job was another factor, which "needed" smoking to be relieved of the tension and stress. How funny!
The outlook on life was very different when it came to both of us. He was a man, carefree, without any responsibilities and I was a girl who wanted to achieve something in life with the degree she had earned after working very hard for it. I was a safe-player and he a big risk-taker. This was one of the main reasons why we couldn't be together in the journey of life. He wanted to first establish relations go about and then commit and I was dead against any such thing, no matter how forward this society had become. I was just not ready to shed this fear and inhibition, if you may call so. Yes, if I had married him, then I was all his. But till that time, I was not ready to sacrifice my celibacy, not even for a person whom I loved the most. Such was my moral or conviction. And this was the main thing, which set us apart.
We tried many times before in the period in which we were together to stop calling each other or thinking about each other, but all the attempts were unsuccessful. Then finally one day, he called at night and vented out all his anger, frustration on me by calling me a heart breaker and calling my love and affection and care for him as a big lie. I was very hurt by this statement of his because I had invested my 100 % in me and was ready to be by his side under favorable circumstances. But in his anger at that moment, he ruined those remote chances and I took that statement by heart after which I never called him, though I thought about him almost every day and even thought of calling him on his birthday, which is 2 days later than mine. But I didn't and thus we drifted apart physically, but were it also mentally?
I do not know what he thought about that fateful day about me, but he never tried to contact me after that day, except for 2-3 times on yahoo messenger, which I royally ignored as I didn't want to continue any relationship with him and by that time I had mistakenly fallen in love with the person who is, unfortunately, my husband now. I wanted to give my husband, my 200 % in which I didn't succeed and today, I think what did I see in my life partner that I decided to spend my entire life with him? Was it love in the real sense or was it just for seeking revenge on Abhi who left me without even hearing my side? Did I really fall in love or just in the idea or fashion of falling in love? Just like any other fairy tale story, I imagined myself in the arms of my prince, swept by my feet, etc. which never ever works in real life!
Anyways, I had only seen it in films or read it in books that you let go of whatever is with you in search of finding something better and I think, I have exactly done that in failing to recognize my true happiness with a person who was exactly opposite to me and ended up spending a life with someone whom I thought was like me. Books and movies are a reflection of human life, isn't it? What would you call our bond as? Failed and broken just because we are not in touch or eternal and everlasting because we still think of each other, but that has remained only in our hearts?
You have to decide...
Abhishek, a hurricane, a windstorm in my life which came for a very short time and left in the same manner, keeping me hazed for life. It is very true that I haven't been able to forget him for a day of my life. It is just like you breathe in and out that I think about him. He was the first person in my life who said, I was beautiful and that was very important to me at that point in life, where I was feeling lost, inferior and almost on the verge of collapsing. I do not know what he saw in me, I was neither beautiful nor sexy and intelligent. But yes, my heart was pure and that reflected in all my actions, I guess.
I do not know how I took such a great risk of meeting a stranger. A person, whom I had just talked to on the phone and knew nothing about him at all, it was just a blind faith, craziness, puppy love which attracted me towards him. But somehow I didn't feel any pangs about it and straight away went and met him without any fear. Now when I think of it, I laugh at myself for being so reckless and careless. He could have done anything to me at that time, cos I was just a kid in front of him. He had a big treasure of experiences with him, he dealt with people all the time and knew what types of people are there in the corporate world and how bad is it. But, when it came to interacting with me, he was altogether a different person. A caretaker, a friend, a father figure, who always treated me as a small kid lost in this big bad world! He used to tell me about the things he did at work and all the fun and frolic he has while working. He always worked till 1-2 in the night and never considered work as work and that is the reason he always enjoyed it and never got tired of it. No matter what happened he always was up and going, even if he didn't get proper sleep. I was amazed at his stamina and the way he dealt with any damn problem that poses before him.
He seldom got angry, but when he was, all the possible bad words use to foul his mouth, and he was only a professional at that time, no more a human being. He cared for people, his family, expressed less as most of the men do. He donated some amount of money to the needy children every year so that they get a quality life. One bad habit was his smoking habit, which I detested. He used to call it "occupational hazard" as he was unable to quit it due to his colleagues who were also chain smokers and the stressful job was another factor, which "needed" smoking to be relieved of the tension and stress. How funny!
The outlook on life was very different when it came to both of us. He was a man, carefree, without any responsibilities and I was a girl who wanted to achieve something in life with the degree she had earned after working very hard for it. I was a safe-player and he a big risk-taker. This was one of the main reasons why we couldn't be together in the journey of life. He wanted to first establish relations go about and then commit and I was dead against any such thing, no matter how forward this society had become. I was just not ready to shed this fear and inhibition, if you may call so. Yes, if I had married him, then I was all his. But till that time, I was not ready to sacrifice my celibacy, not even for a person whom I loved the most. Such was my moral or conviction. And this was the main thing, which set us apart.
We tried many times before in the period in which we were together to stop calling each other or thinking about each other, but all the attempts were unsuccessful. Then finally one day, he called at night and vented out all his anger, frustration on me by calling me a heart breaker and calling my love and affection and care for him as a big lie. I was very hurt by this statement of his because I had invested my 100 % in me and was ready to be by his side under favorable circumstances. But in his anger at that moment, he ruined those remote chances and I took that statement by heart after which I never called him, though I thought about him almost every day and even thought of calling him on his birthday, which is 2 days later than mine. But I didn't and thus we drifted apart physically, but were it also mentally?
I do not know what he thought about that fateful day about me, but he never tried to contact me after that day, except for 2-3 times on yahoo messenger, which I royally ignored as I didn't want to continue any relationship with him and by that time I had mistakenly fallen in love with the person who is, unfortunately, my husband now. I wanted to give my husband, my 200 % in which I didn't succeed and today, I think what did I see in my life partner that I decided to spend my entire life with him? Was it love in the real sense or was it just for seeking revenge on Abhi who left me without even hearing my side? Did I really fall in love or just in the idea or fashion of falling in love? Just like any other fairy tale story, I imagined myself in the arms of my prince, swept by my feet, etc. which never ever works in real life!
Anyways, I had only seen it in films or read it in books that you let go of whatever is with you in search of finding something better and I think, I have exactly done that in failing to recognize my true happiness with a person who was exactly opposite to me and ended up spending a life with someone whom I thought was like me. Books and movies are a reflection of human life, isn't it? What would you call our bond as? Failed and broken just because we are not in touch or eternal and everlasting because we still think of each other, but that has remained only in our hearts?
You have to decide...
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