Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Realisation

I fell on my bed tired and exhausted, not having strength even to move an inch. It was feeling as if all my bones were cracking inside the surface of my skin and they would tear apart my skin anytime and would just protrude out. I also realize the thudding and pounding of my heart, which was not a very usual observation about my heart. I realized today, what it really means when your heart is pumping blood in and out and keeping you alive and kicking. My breathlessness made me realize that I also breathe like a million other people and I also could sense the air going in and coming out from my nose!

All these days, I inhaled all the possible pollutants in my system, while traveling to the office every day and I have no idea what all types of gases, I have inhaled. I had learned some in the chemistry class while in 8th standard, but the trio of Physics, Chemistry and Biology didn’t make any impression on me and I deserted them after the SSC and hardly saw them again in my life until this day today which reminded me once again of the Carbon monoxide, Sulphur dioxide and what not. The things I detested testing in the laboratory are now my regular accomplices. And they all have just one color, black which is a mixture of all of them together making them all the more deadly. Having a uniformity is good, but not in silent killers who proudly boast of making people vulnerable to all the respiratory diseases like bronchitis, asthma etc.

Coming back to the point, I could now think of all the damage my body has undergone in this stressful and fast-paced life. I almost was working mechanically and without realizing the pace at which I was running after something. Yes, I call it something, because I am not sure, why I am running and after what I am running. Is it money, fame, status, will to achieve, excel? I am not very sure, but just as others are doing it, I am also following them in the herd!

I am following a very strict time schedule in which I am out of the house for almost 12 hours, working very hard in the office, stressing myself out for someone sitting in a far distant country of some continent like Europe or America. I keep myself busy, rather believe that I am busy in solving their problems, trying to make their lives easier so that they have profits and they are happy and relaxed. And at whose cost am I doing all this? At my own mental and physical health’s cost. Sometimes, I skip lunch, snacks, dinner, when I am deeply stuck in the problem. Does this affect anyone else in the world than me myself? Just as my body helps me to carry out all the daily activities without much difficulty, I should also help my body by giving it the necessary fuel so that it gets charged and I feel energetic, isn’t it? But this simple logic is lost out in the fad of “delivering on time”. We almost think that we are superhuman beings without a body and a soul and can carry out things endlessly.

All this over-confidence of mine was punctured like a balloon when I joined the aerobic classes for my own joy and happiness and basically to reduce some weight. All this while, following very unusual eating and living style, I have conjured up a lot of ailments, thyroid, obesity, sometimes high BP, etc. I have also another disease which is called “wasteful thinking” and it is I think a compulsive behavior disorder where you, again and again, do the same thing consciously or unconsciously. I do thinking in that manner, compulsorily and unnecessarily. I understand, it doesn’t take me anywhere and doesn’t do me any good, but still like a lunatic I keep on thinking and thinking and thinking. So, I thought, that's enough of self-killing and I should come out of this phase, I joined the aerobic classes, which I was again just thinking of doing for many months.

It gave me immense pleasure and fun in dancing away the weariness and tiredness of the day and a new me has emerged, who loves life, enjoyment and every good thing that gives joy. Where was this facet of mine all this while? What had happened to me in such a mundane and dull life? Where was the zest, the vigor, the happiness, which I was always famous for? Where was that charm and desire to dance away all the fear and troubles in my life? Yes, I found the laid back me again and decided to take charge of my life once again! I enjoyed every bit of aerobics which was coupled with dance steps and the Yogasanas which are very helpful to keep you mentally fit and fine. The initial days make you lose heart and it pains all over, but you just have to keep going for better result and should not give it up.

Yogasanas and pranayama help you to meet your inner self. They make you aware of the magic of the breathing technique which has a very different effect on your body. We almost breathe unconsciously every day, but if we do it consciously and by realizing its different patterns, we would never ever be able to thank breathing for the good effects it leaves on our body and mind. There are no doctors required, no specialists required if you just take a little care of your body is what I have learned off late.

It is just a matter of taking charge of your life and doing wonders with small things which have a very big cumulative effect in the long run. Aerobics helped me ease out my tensions, my wasteful thinking. I enjoy dancing on rhythm and beat and feel it great that I can follow my heart! This gives me immense self-confidence and boosts morale. I feel very happy to go home, take a bath, read a book. Yes, I have also taken to compulsory reading nowadays, which is not bad like wasteful thinking. It is a self-discipline technique which I have imposed on myself and feel very happy about it.

There are some things, which one must regularly do like a habit. Reading, praying, exercising, contemplating, anything which gives you happiness. Some time when you can be with yourself helps you realize what all are you missing in this hectic life. Some things with which you can pamper yourself, a bite of your favorite chocolate, make candles of different shapes and sizes and colors, dance in the rain, smell the green after the rains, see a rainbow, observe the azure skies, watching rains from home with a hot coffee cup in hand. That one moment of happiness is very vital to your sustenance in a challenging and competitive life. It gives you a direction, a direction to your thoughts and life becomes much more meaningful and cheerful.

So, when are you taking charge of your life?

When are you going to meet your own self?

When are you going to seize that happy moment?

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