I was flooded with congratulatory calls from all over the place, and I simply didn't know how to handle so much of attention as I was not at all used to it. I used to write some essays and stories and poems once a while, and that was a hit amongst all my good friends. I always thought that it was their goodness that they appreciate my work so much and I didn't have much of a potential to be on par with Arundhati Ghosh or Anita Desai or someone like their contemporaries. But only my book of short stories won the best national book, I truly believed that I can also write well. My close friends were immensely happy. My school mates, college friends, heaped praises on me. My in-laws were also there to bless me. My parents were amazed to see this side of me as I had never revealed it to them that I also write occasionally. One more feather added to the cap beamed my parents. I was always good at academics, good at work, a good daughter, wife and a daughter-in-law, a good mother to my twins, and now a good writer too!
*************************************************************
Amongst the first calls to congratulate me was my old friend from the ACC Company, Jitendra, who was a great inspirer and who pulled me back to serious writing. I had written a few poems in college, and I loved writing essays and long descriptive answers in the exam. But I took too seriously penning down my thoughts about issues and people around me after Jitendra showed me his writings. He told me that I need to cultivate this habit, and he used to regularly ask me to write about things that bothered me, pained me, and made me happy. I started writing small essays on things that were near to my heart and slowly started venturing into short stories also. The first draft was always sent to Jitendra, who would review my style and punctuations and sentence structures etc. He also gave me tips to improve my vocabulary and choice of words and also commented on my progress on the same. So, he was more happy and excited when I had submitted my book to the jury of the award. And he was surer than I was that I will definitely win the prize this year. Finally, when the award was announced on Television, the phone rang, and I picked it up.
Jitendra: Hello, it's me!! See, I had told you that you are a sure winner this time. My words came true!
I: Yes, Jitendra, thanks to you. You were always the beacon in this phase of my life, and I can never thank you for your support and encouragement.
Jitendra: Of course, you can! You can treat me with Pizza @ Dominos, and then we make the usual trip to Sapna Bookhouse. You should give me the signed copy of your book with now the award-winning author tag!
I (laughing loudly): Oh Jitendra, you haven't changed a bit. You still remember the good old days we used to go for a Pizza party and our regular trips to Sapna book house. Yes, it has been a long time that we caught up with each other and discussed movies and books and music. When do you want to meet up?
Jitendra: On Saturday? Is it a good time for you? Hope Akash and your kids aren't upset that you are out on a Saturday morning.
I: Oh no, not at all. The kids have some workshop at school, so I will drop them to the venue and will meet you at 11 @ Sapna book house. We do the books browsing, book signing ceremony there, and push off to Dominos. Akash is out of the town, I must say out of the country. He will be only back by Sunday evening, and the kids will get free by 4 pm on Saturday. So, we will have a lot of time to talk, and yes, I also want to discuss a few things with you. I need your expert advice as always.
Jitendra (smiles): Anytime for you, dear, sure, not a problem, I will buzz you at about 10 on Saturday to confirm and shall meet you then. And yes, heartiest congratulations on winning this award. You deserved it.
I: Thank you very much for the kind words, Jitendra, see you on Saturday then.
Jitendra: Yes, definitely, take care, bye!
I: Bye!
********************************************************
I put the phone and smiled to myself. How some things never change with time, and they get better and better with time just like the grandma's pickles, which only tastes better and better with the passing days or like an old wine which tastes best after many years of processing. Some friends like Jitendra have helped me grow out of my shell and inhibitions, and how can I ever thank them for showing me the path to be happy and be myself? Sameer, Kshitij have always been my backbones in Bangalore and there is no time in the day when I can't call them for help or for just talking my heart out. Even during my initial struggle with bringing up twins, they both have helped me babysit one of the babies when no one was in town with me. Akash was always touring and his or my parents then stayed with me to take care of the babies. Sometimes, when they couldn't manage Sameer or his wife or Kshitij would come over after office and help me feed the babies and play with them. They all dot on Manas and Asawari so much that I feel we all are one big family living together happily.
Just like Sameer and Kshitij, Jitendra has also been there whenever I had to talk and sort out things with people, with whom I was working part-time or any small problem which would upset me. When I meet Jitendra on Saturday, I will tell him about this person who has come back in my life after a good 10 long years. And I am not sure what to do with him and should I talk to him, meet him and sort things out or just ignore and let him be? One voice was saying that I should at least meet him once and sort things out and another voice was saying that if all these years, he never bothered to get in touch, why has he come now? What does he want now? Let the past be past and let's move on with whatever we have now. No, I couldn't even talk this with Akash as he has a totally different view on all these emotional and sentimental things. He would not be able to sense the pain and hurt which I sensed when that person deserted me for no fault of mine. He would not be able to understand that I kept asking the question to myself all these years, what had I done that such a treatment was meted out to me? And now when I have forgotten all that had happened, it has popped up again in my life.
************************************************************
I was my usual chirpy self on a January morning in 2007 and was looking forward to talking to my maternal brother, who is in Pune to ask him what he wants as his birthday gift. I dialed the landline number and my Mami (my mom's brother's wife) received the call and she sounded very cold and withdrawn, unlike on other days. When I asked her what gift I should give Tanmay on his birthday, which is on 16th January, she said that I should talk to my mama (maternal uncle) and she is not the right person to ask and she cut the call. I couldn't understand why she behaved the way she did that day but then dismissed the thought thinking she might not be well or maybe she had some tension of Tanmay's studies. Immediately my uncle called from the other side and told me to send a gift voucher as Tanmay's birthday gift and when I asked him what was wrong with Mami, he told me the same reason that she was busy with Tanmay's studies and that is the reason she cut the call short. I took that for a reason, valid enough, and forgot about it the next moment. I went to the superstores and got the gift voucher and also sent him a hand-made greeting card along with the gift voucher. Tanmay could buy anything he wanted from this coupon and as he loved eating and had an interest in apparel, this would help him chose whatever is trendy and fashionable. So, he would be able to choose from a wide range of clothes and also check out some eateries.
I have seen Tanmay from the day he was born. My Aaji (grandmother) stayed in Pune with my mama, Sudhakar, and his wife Manjusha. They both loved me like their own kids. Especially Sudhakar uncle was attached more to me as I was the only daughter of his only sister and he doted on me like crazy. As a child, he used to take me to parks, gardens would give me sweets and toys and he never could see me cry. He pampered me a lot and I also liked him a lot. As I grew up, I shared with him my school studies and tensions, then college worries and everything about my world. He was someone who listened to me patiently, gave me comfort in stressful situations, made me laugh when I was down and would cheer me up when I needed some push. After Tanmay was born, his affection towards me didn't become any less and he treated me like his own daughter. Tanmay was also very sweet and innocent as a child and he always played with me calling me by different names, sometimes, tai, Munni, munnu tai. My name was Mrignaini, which he could never pronounce and I also didn't bother to get my name right from his mouth as whatever he called me was sweeter than anything else.
Whenever I visited my Aaji in Pune, we all used to talk about various things, would go out to parks and temples. We used to dine out together, at least once when I was there as it was the only time when Sudhakar mama and Tanmay got to eat non-vegetarian food with me. I used to eat only butter chicken then and used to have it only with them, once in 6 months or so. We watched a lot of movies and plays together. We used to play cards, housie, scrabble together and use to laugh our lives out while playing. Tanmay and I fought a lot, though there was an age gap of 16 yrs between us, that was also a lot of fun. We used to fight just for the heck of it. The next moment we used to be friends. All my summer holidays were always spent with them and I was always happy with them and they were happy to have me.
*************************************************************
My mom called me after I sent the gift voucher to Tanmay. She sounded very serious and wanted to talk something urgent. I asked her what's the matter and she told me it is about Sudhakar mama. I was afraid for a second and thought that he might have met with an accident or something, but that was not the case.
Mom: Please do not call Sudhakar mama or Manjusha Mami henceforth.
I: What are you saying? Are they shifting or something? Do you have a new number?
Mom: Listen to me carefully Mrignaini; let it sink properly whatever I am going to tell you now. Please think about it carefully and then decide what you want to do.
I: Oh mom, please do not create suspense out of this, tell me please, what is the matter?
Mom: Neither Sudhakar nor Manjusha like you calling them now and then.
I: Oh, what happened? Do I trouble them or something?
Mom: The day before you called Manjusha to ask about the gift, there was a huge fight between Sudhakar and Aaji.
I: A fight, why?
Mom: In that argument, Manjusha aunty accused me of stealing her jewelry during the time of your wedding.
I: What are you saying mom, what is this about?
Mom: From the past few days, uncle and aunty are not talking to your Aaji properly and when she confronted them, they said that it is about me and you and that we have made their lives miserable. Manjusha added that she saw me giving the same box to Akash's mom during your wedding, which she was not able to see in her jewelry box for a few days now. Your Aaji asked her then why didn't she tell her about the same then and there and that Aaji would have confronted me on the same. I have everything in written which I bought for your wedding and Aaji knows that very well. But then they didn't have anything substantial to back it up and just said that we both are a nuisance in their lives. So, I am telling you not to call them or talk to them further as they do not want to keep any contacts with us henceforth.
(I was numb, only words were hitting my ears, the meaning was far fetched)
I: ok, fine. I will take care in the future and see to it that I do not trouble them.
Mom: I know beta, you would be very sad to know all this, but then I couldn't let you get insulted by my brother or his wife. You are my pride and I will not tolerate anything said against you.
Instead of me consoling my mother, she was doing it. She has always been a strong woman and I wish I could get at least 10 % of what her conviction is!
I: I am sorry mom; they said things to you like this. But will you not clarify with them face to face and finish it off?
Mom: I tried no use, beta. They do not want to see me or meet me. I am not welcome @ their new house also. I will meet Aaji @ the old house, whenever I want to meet her.
I: Oh, does Tanmay know all this?
Mom: Yes, it happened in front of him. So, do not expect any call for confirming the receipt of your birthday gift.
I: Ok mom. Don't worry, everything will be fine.
Mom: I don't think so. Bless you, beta, bye.
I didn't know what to do. Should I call mama and ask him what is the matter and that it is just a misunderstanding or should I wait for a few days for it to settle? It might be just a temporary storm which has caused such a great stir in our lives and it will soon wade off.
I was wrong.
*************************************************************
I waited for the acknowledgment of the receipt of the voucher from Tanmay and was also excited to know what all stuff he got and how much fun he had shopping. But then the month of January passed and in April, mama, and Mami celebrate their wedding anniversary. I thought it would be a good occasion to send flowers and the misunderstanding would have vanished and forgotten by now. I sent some beautiful flowers addressing them to Manjusha Mami and wished her and mama a very happy wedding anniversary. I was expecting a call from Mami thanking me and telling me to forget whatever happened in January, but then I kept on waiting till June when uncle called me one fine day to tell that they got the gift voucher and the bouquet of flowers. Call cut! That day was my wedding anniversary when he called and he didn't even wish me? Did he remember the day when I got married? He cried like a baby when he brought me to the pedestal where I was supposed to garland Akash. I comforted him and tried to console him and he forgot my anniversary? Is he doing this purposely or does Manjusha Mami not want that he keeps any contact with me or my mom?
How could the threads of love and affection built with so much care and confidence break off with one gush of wind of some fanciful thinking? Was the bond created with my mama so weak that it stopped to function one fine day just because he was in a fit of anger and spoke something like we are causing him a nuisance? How could he ever think and speak like the way he did that day with Aaji? Did he not think of calling me once and clarifying things with me? If he had something to say to my mom, she was his own sister, he could have easily taken her into confidence and confided into her if he had some personal problems. Accusing his own sister of stealing something was taken so easily by him; he didn't even say firmly to Manjusha Mami that she was wrong and that my mom could never do such a thing. But people, rather our own people prove us so wrong. They do not even think of all the good times spent together and just erase everything of the past and keep only the momentary misunderstanding and anger in mind.
I slowly accepted the fact that now they are not going to be a part of my happiness or grief. I have to leave them where they chose to go their separate ways and I have to close the chapter of my mama, mami, and Tanmay whom I considered as my own family.
*************************************************************
Manas and Asawari: Aai (it's the mom in Marathi!) we are home and hungry like pigs, can you make us a salad please or Poha would be really great!
My kids were like me, enthusiastic about eating, but they were one step ahead. They have tried everything possible on earth with their Dadda, a very cute way of addressing Akash. Akash eats everything except human being, cows, and cream on milk. He has encouraged them to eat everything that comes in front of them so that they never go hungry if they lose their way in jungles of Arizona or the Thar Desert. I have no idea when my kids are going to venture like Bear Gayles (Host of the show "Into the wild ") on the Discovery channel into the most difficult parts and landscapes of the world and then give survival tips to the people. Akash and my kids watch the show regularly though Bear Gayles is now into his 70's and is mostly indoors nowadays. That program is very old, but they still watch it like it is happening in front of them right now. I am very amused to see them sit together on the porch and watch Bear with all concentration, keeping the eyes glued to the television set. But, I am happy that they are eating food without much fuss and I am not encouraging them to eat junk food or chocolates all the time. Once a while, when they get good grades or do well in some sports or other activities, I do take them out.
I prepared their favorite dish of Poha (beaten rice, a famous dish in Maharashtra and called Avalakki bath in Karnataka) and we ate to our heart's content. They both went to their rooms to watch their favorite Popeye show and after warning them not to fight over it; I sat to read a new book, which I got delivered from Librarywala, the famous online library today.
The phone rang again:
Thinking it to be Akash's, I ran towards it enthusiastically, he usually calls to talk to the kids before going to bed and then the whole day is revised again to dadda and only then my kids go to sleep peacefully. I like the way they bond with Akash at least now. I am not sure of the future as children have different worlds of their own once they grow up and then only husband and wife remain for each other, to be with each other.
I: Hello, Mrignaini Phadke here.
From the other side: Hello Munnu, Sudhakar mama here.
It didn't register in my head for 2 seconds. The name sounded familiar, but it could not evoke any recent image in the head and I was searching for the face of this name and suddenly "Eureka" happened. This was my mama. How on earth did he get my landline number and how could he call me after a sudden disappearance from my life 10 years ago?
I: Hello mama, how are you?
(I was just asking without actually meaning it)
Mama: I am very well, thank you. Congratulations on the award. You have made me proud, I always knew that you would make it big and would set an example to all other people. You are the best daughter one could ever have.
(He was not stopping for a moment and I felt as though he wanted to speak everything that he wanted to tell me from the past 10 years. I was at the receiving end and was hearing showers of praises heaped on me. I was neither elated nor happy to listen to his words. I was just hearing some clutter, I thought, which has lost its meaning in some misunderstanding created by some person.)
Mama: I want to meet you beta, I hope you are still in Bangalore? I am here for a field visit and will go back on Sunday evening.
I didn't know whether to say yes to meet him or politely refuse him. I hesitantly took down his contact number and the hotel address where he was staying and told him that I will get in touch with him if I happen to decide to meet him. He just said one thing before cutting the call.
Mama: Beta, there are some things which you might need answers to. I have being carrying this burden for so many years and now before the final call comes; I want to settle all the accounts.
I wanted to shout, is it that easy that you want to settle the accounts like erasing some numbers here and adding a few there? What does he want to tell now? Did he ever remember me all these years? Did my thought even cross his mind all these years? Did he ever inquire about my whereabouts after we ceased to be in touch? All these thoughts were making me crazy and I decided to talk about this to Jitendra over Saturday brunch.
*************************************************************
We met up at Sapna's Bookhouse after I dropped the kids to the half-day workshop. I am happy to keep them engaged somehow rather than wasting their time watching television or playing computer games. In my summer holidays, I always went to my aaji's place in Pune and had fun which was so very missing in my kid's lives and in fact all the kids of their generation. I used to play so many outdoor games with friends in my aaji's chawl. We never thought of the scorching heat that time and all we knew was to just make the best of summer holidays as if they were not going to come again. We also had the best of snacks at that time. We homemade aam panha and barf golas, mango shakes, and whatnot. Oh, even thinking about that makes my mouth water. I must take my kids once to Pune to savor all this stuff, which they have never tasted.
Jitendra: You look worried, what is the matter? Anything troubling you? You said that you want to talk to me on some urgent matter which has come up from nowhere?
I: Yes. Jitendra, remember my mama about whom I had told you during our initial days in ABC Company?
Jitendra: Oh yes, I do. You were very attached to him and his wife and kid and then suddenly some misunderstanding happened and they cut all their contacts with you and your mom?
I: Yes, correct. I got a call from him after your call that day and I was taken aback when he said he wants to meet me.
Jitendra: Did he really say that? Is he in Bangalore? How has he remembered you after so many years? What does he want now?
I: I am trying to find answers to all these questions you just asked from the time I spoke to him. But I also know that I will not get any answers until I meet him and ask him.
Jitendra: Yes, you are right. I think you should take this chance of clearing all the mess which has happened at that time. Maybe now that you have grown up and have seen the world and have a better insight into people and matters, your hurt and anger may subside with whatever he wants to tell you. Maybe you would be able to forgive him and his family for whatever they did to you and mom and in turn, you would forgive yourself also for keeping that hurt and anger in your mind unnecessarily in your heart for so long.
I: Is it unnecessary to keep the matters so close to heart buried like this for so long Jitendra?
Jitendra: Yes, my dear. It is. You are in the best phase of your life, but somewhere in some corner of your heart, you might be still hoping or wishing to talk to them and tell them how successful and happy you have become. You can show them all your possessions and awards and your 2 lovely kids and make them feel proud, isn't it?
I: Jitendra, all this is too far fetched. I just hope that I am able to face mama and not cry before him. I want to show him that I am strong and am not going to show any signs of have missed them all these years.
Jitendra: It is but very natural to get emotional and choked after seeing your loved one after so many years when he has come with some explanation of whatever happened in the past. I think you should be your normal self and then decide what exactly you want to do for him.
I: So, you also think that I should go ahead and listen to whatever he wants to tell me, right?
Jitendra: Yes, very much. You should give yourself and your mamaji another chance to clarify things and make the present and future much more desirable.
I: Ok Jitendra. Thanks for instilling the confidence in me and encouraging me to meet him. I will let you know what happened. I hope something good turns out of our meeting.
Jitendra: Yes, dear. Definitely something good is on its way as it is said life is a box of chocolates and you never know what life is offering you, but you should always treat it as your best and last chocolate.
I: thanks Jitendra, talk to you soon.
I left Dominos on a positive note and was anxious the whole day. The day was just not ticking and Sunday seemed so far. I called mama where he was put him and told him that I would be coming to see him at 11 am tomorrow. I would leave the kids with Pranjali and they would have their brunch with her son, Ninad, who is not only their big bro but also their punch bag and uncle Sam. Pranjali and Avdhut are our family friends and we stay close to each other. Avdhut and Akash have played as kids and his and Akash's moms are like sisters. So now that love and bonding is carried to the third generation and is passed on to Ninad and my 2 lovely kids. I would call her now itself and tell her about this sudden development. I am sure; she won't mind and would be more than happy to accommodate my adorable kids for brunch tomorrow.
*************************************************************
I left Asawari and Manas at Pranjali's place and headed straight to a florist. I bought a nice bouquet of flowers, packed some nice biscuits from the bakery and drove down to the hotel in my Polo. Being able to drive without any dependency on anyone feels so great. The world seems to be a much better place to venture out. I can do all my hobby classes such as dancing, candle making, teach German on a part-time basis and also take my kids out for different workshops and parks where they can explore new things. I also take them to meet their friends over birthday parties or to some restaurant like McDonalds where kids love to party.
I was driving mechanically, which was quite dangerous. All types of thoughts were flashing through my mind. I was trying to rehearse the opening lines of the conversation with my mama. How was it that I was struggling for words and sentences to talk to my very own mama? It might be due to the huge wall of silence between us all these years, I thought. Once the conversation starts flowing, it will be easier to ask about Mami, Tanmay. Tanmay would have grown tall now, must be doing a job now. Which line has he chosen now? How does he look now? Does anything from the past remind him of me? I wanted to ask all these questions to mama as soon as I will see him. I parked the car in the parking lot of the hotel and walked up to the 2nd floor and knocked on 201 at exactly the time, I had promised mama to be there.
Mama (from inside): Yes, come in.
I: Hello mama, Good Morning! How are you?
Mama: It's you Munnu! I am so glad you came, please come inside.
I looked at mama. He had grown so old, grey hair, he had big spectacles on. His shoulders were drooping, he looked so tired and had wrinkles on his face. He asked me to sit. I offered him fresh flowers and biscuits and he was very happy. I remembered how I used to go to Pune as a child in the summer holidays and he used to get me things while coming home from the office. He used to get me chocolate or bhel or vadapav or groundnuts. How time changes and we have swapped the roles now!
I: How have you been mama? How is your health? How come you have come to Bangalore? Have you changed your job or something?
I had so many questions to ask him at the same time, but then I thought he might get embarrassed and I stopped them by putting my thoughts to a halt!
Mama: Yes, I had come here for a field visit. I am into the Insurance domain now and had come here to inspect certain things regarding some cases. I took your number from an old e-mail of yours and tried that. Thankfully, you hadn't changed the number. So, I could get in touch with you and thought of meeting you in person after whatever happened at that time. We never saw each other or spoke to each other.
Mama had directly broached the topic now, without beating around the bush. At least, I do not have to play with words and can ask freely what I always wanted to ask.
I: Yes, didn't you feel once to clarify things with aai or me? I was big enough to understand what was happening. You assumed that aai stole mami's jewelry and you cut all the contacts with me and aai?
I had started blaming him for whatever happened at that time. Without giving him time to answer or defend, I was heaping all questions I had accumulated all these years in my head. Mama was very calm and composed and he didn't look perturbed at all.
Mama: I can understand all your anger and pain, Munnu! God alone knows how I have stayed all these years away from you and Sarita, your mom. I always knew that you both were innocent and Sarita would never do such a thing. But I also had no choice than to stay with your mami as you know my first marriage had failed and I didn't want even this mami to desert me. I know she is ignorant and foolish, but then she took care of me and my son, very well. She also looked well after your aaji till she was alive. I had nothing to complain about her. She didn't want me to keep any contacts with you and your mom, reasons, she never told me. I was also a coward and never asked her the reason for her strange behavior. I took everything in stride and accepted whatever she told me to do.
I started getting furious on knowing that mama was so helpless and a coward. He couldn't stand up for me and my mom, who existed in his life, even before this mami came. Just because he was afraid of her deserting him, he couldn't give her a sound explanation and tell her firmly that his sister and niece are innocent and they can never do such a thing. How could blood relations weaken in front of newly added relations?
Mama continued
Mama: I was taking everything that was thrown at me and then finally, I said enough is enough. I could not take it anymore. Tanmay was also studying in Aurangabad and we both couldn't carry on with each other's varied thinking styles?
I: What do you mean mama?
Mama: I do not stay with her under one roof now. I have given her enough of my life and savings and that will suffice her till she dies. Tanmay's education is also settled and hence I do not have any tension from that side. I have decided to spend my last years in penance for whatever I did to your mom, my mom and you. She wronged your mom in front of me and I couldn't even save you all from falling in her eyes. You all were so close to me and I lost you all just because of her. I will not be able to forgive myself for this and won't forgive her even.
I was dumbstruck. Just a while ago, I was cursing mama to be a coward and helpless. And he has taken such a big step to repent for whatever he did that time? He has confined himself to solitude and loneliness and in his days of retirement, he is doing a job which involves travel and there is no one to take care of him at home. He has to manage everything on his own. How did mami agree to stay separate from him when this is the time they need each other the most? This is too big a sacrifice for something which he did out of partial helplessness and partial ignorance. I suddenly felt so bad looking at him with this renewed vision that tears welled up in my eyes.
I: Mama, this is not the way to punish yourself mama. You could have mended it up with us and also explained mami about it. I am sure she would have understood.
Mama: Munnu, how I wish she could have! You, who were like our daughter, wouldn't have gone away from us like this. I wouldn't have missed all the important developments in your life. Your kids, your career as a free-lancer and an author, a German tutor, successful in almost everything you took up. (Mama knew everything what I was up to all these years.) Had your mami understood the value of people and bonds of love, she wouldn't be sitting alone in her house and you wouldn't be so away mentally from all of us. I just wanted to say sorry to you for all that happened because of me. I want to die in peace whenever my time comes.
I: Oh, don't say that mama. I have forgiven you already and in the process, I have forgiven myself of all the pain and anger, I harbored against you and Mami. I do not have anything against you and please do not feel bad about whatever happened. Just forget it and look to the future.
We both smiled at each other with tears in our eyes and we just sat there without speaking with each other for a while. It was time for me to leave now. We both knew that something broke which was beyond words and we both felt light and relieved. We both were choked and didn't know how to say goodbye. I didn't invite him over to meet the kids and Akash, and he also didn't ask about them at all. He had come here for a purpose which was to clear things with me and he did just that. Not beyond that. I wondered if the old mama whom I knew had died inside this physically present mama of mine. He had strangely become very detached from everything and he didn't show any signs of wanting to renew and meet up with old contacts which were cut deliberately.
He came to leave me at the door and after waving a goodbye; he shut the door with the same coldness with which he said he is staying alone now. I didn't want to break this aura of coldness and stillness which he had deliberately wrapped around himself. Maybe he was with himself in that way.
I went to the parking lot and took the car and had a look at the balcony of his room. He wasn't there in the balcony too. But I could see his sad and tearful eyes behind the curtains looking at me and hands as if they were blessing me.
I started driving and thought.
Some things just remain the way there are.
*************************************************************
Amongst the first calls to congratulate me was my old friend from the ACC Company, Jitendra, who was a great inspirer and who pulled me back to serious writing. I had written a few poems in college, and I loved writing essays and long descriptive answers in the exam. But I took too seriously penning down my thoughts about issues and people around me after Jitendra showed me his writings. He told me that I need to cultivate this habit, and he used to regularly ask me to write about things that bothered me, pained me, and made me happy. I started writing small essays on things that were near to my heart and slowly started venturing into short stories also. The first draft was always sent to Jitendra, who would review my style and punctuations and sentence structures etc. He also gave me tips to improve my vocabulary and choice of words and also commented on my progress on the same. So, he was more happy and excited when I had submitted my book to the jury of the award. And he was surer than I was that I will definitely win the prize this year. Finally, when the award was announced on Television, the phone rang, and I picked it up.
Jitendra: Hello, it's me!! See, I had told you that you are a sure winner this time. My words came true!
I: Yes, Jitendra, thanks to you. You were always the beacon in this phase of my life, and I can never thank you for your support and encouragement.
Jitendra: Of course, you can! You can treat me with Pizza @ Dominos, and then we make the usual trip to Sapna Bookhouse. You should give me the signed copy of your book with now the award-winning author tag!
I (laughing loudly): Oh Jitendra, you haven't changed a bit. You still remember the good old days we used to go for a Pizza party and our regular trips to Sapna book house. Yes, it has been a long time that we caught up with each other and discussed movies and books and music. When do you want to meet up?
Jitendra: On Saturday? Is it a good time for you? Hope Akash and your kids aren't upset that you are out on a Saturday morning.
I: Oh no, not at all. The kids have some workshop at school, so I will drop them to the venue and will meet you at 11 @ Sapna book house. We do the books browsing, book signing ceremony there, and push off to Dominos. Akash is out of the town, I must say out of the country. He will be only back by Sunday evening, and the kids will get free by 4 pm on Saturday. So, we will have a lot of time to talk, and yes, I also want to discuss a few things with you. I need your expert advice as always.
Jitendra (smiles): Anytime for you, dear, sure, not a problem, I will buzz you at about 10 on Saturday to confirm and shall meet you then. And yes, heartiest congratulations on winning this award. You deserved it.
I: Thank you very much for the kind words, Jitendra, see you on Saturday then.
Jitendra: Yes, definitely, take care, bye!
I: Bye!
********************************************************
I put the phone and smiled to myself. How some things never change with time, and they get better and better with time just like the grandma's pickles, which only tastes better and better with the passing days or like an old wine which tastes best after many years of processing. Some friends like Jitendra have helped me grow out of my shell and inhibitions, and how can I ever thank them for showing me the path to be happy and be myself? Sameer, Kshitij have always been my backbones in Bangalore and there is no time in the day when I can't call them for help or for just talking my heart out. Even during my initial struggle with bringing up twins, they both have helped me babysit one of the babies when no one was in town with me. Akash was always touring and his or my parents then stayed with me to take care of the babies. Sometimes, when they couldn't manage Sameer or his wife or Kshitij would come over after office and help me feed the babies and play with them. They all dot on Manas and Asawari so much that I feel we all are one big family living together happily.
Just like Sameer and Kshitij, Jitendra has also been there whenever I had to talk and sort out things with people, with whom I was working part-time or any small problem which would upset me. When I meet Jitendra on Saturday, I will tell him about this person who has come back in my life after a good 10 long years. And I am not sure what to do with him and should I talk to him, meet him and sort things out or just ignore and let him be? One voice was saying that I should at least meet him once and sort things out and another voice was saying that if all these years, he never bothered to get in touch, why has he come now? What does he want now? Let the past be past and let's move on with whatever we have now. No, I couldn't even talk this with Akash as he has a totally different view on all these emotional and sentimental things. He would not be able to sense the pain and hurt which I sensed when that person deserted me for no fault of mine. He would not be able to understand that I kept asking the question to myself all these years, what had I done that such a treatment was meted out to me? And now when I have forgotten all that had happened, it has popped up again in my life.
************************************************************
I was my usual chirpy self on a January morning in 2007 and was looking forward to talking to my maternal brother, who is in Pune to ask him what he wants as his birthday gift. I dialed the landline number and my Mami (my mom's brother's wife) received the call and she sounded very cold and withdrawn, unlike on other days. When I asked her what gift I should give Tanmay on his birthday, which is on 16th January, she said that I should talk to my mama (maternal uncle) and she is not the right person to ask and she cut the call. I couldn't understand why she behaved the way she did that day but then dismissed the thought thinking she might not be well or maybe she had some tension of Tanmay's studies. Immediately my uncle called from the other side and told me to send a gift voucher as Tanmay's birthday gift and when I asked him what was wrong with Mami, he told me the same reason that she was busy with Tanmay's studies and that is the reason she cut the call short. I took that for a reason, valid enough, and forgot about it the next moment. I went to the superstores and got the gift voucher and also sent him a hand-made greeting card along with the gift voucher. Tanmay could buy anything he wanted from this coupon and as he loved eating and had an interest in apparel, this would help him chose whatever is trendy and fashionable. So, he would be able to choose from a wide range of clothes and also check out some eateries.
I have seen Tanmay from the day he was born. My Aaji (grandmother) stayed in Pune with my mama, Sudhakar, and his wife Manjusha. They both loved me like their own kids. Especially Sudhakar uncle was attached more to me as I was the only daughter of his only sister and he doted on me like crazy. As a child, he used to take me to parks, gardens would give me sweets and toys and he never could see me cry. He pampered me a lot and I also liked him a lot. As I grew up, I shared with him my school studies and tensions, then college worries and everything about my world. He was someone who listened to me patiently, gave me comfort in stressful situations, made me laugh when I was down and would cheer me up when I needed some push. After Tanmay was born, his affection towards me didn't become any less and he treated me like his own daughter. Tanmay was also very sweet and innocent as a child and he always played with me calling me by different names, sometimes, tai, Munni, munnu tai. My name was Mrignaini, which he could never pronounce and I also didn't bother to get my name right from his mouth as whatever he called me was sweeter than anything else.
Whenever I visited my Aaji in Pune, we all used to talk about various things, would go out to parks and temples. We used to dine out together, at least once when I was there as it was the only time when Sudhakar mama and Tanmay got to eat non-vegetarian food with me. I used to eat only butter chicken then and used to have it only with them, once in 6 months or so. We watched a lot of movies and plays together. We used to play cards, housie, scrabble together and use to laugh our lives out while playing. Tanmay and I fought a lot, though there was an age gap of 16 yrs between us, that was also a lot of fun. We used to fight just for the heck of it. The next moment we used to be friends. All my summer holidays were always spent with them and I was always happy with them and they were happy to have me.
*************************************************************
My mom called me after I sent the gift voucher to Tanmay. She sounded very serious and wanted to talk something urgent. I asked her what's the matter and she told me it is about Sudhakar mama. I was afraid for a second and thought that he might have met with an accident or something, but that was not the case.
Mom: Please do not call Sudhakar mama or Manjusha Mami henceforth.
I: What are you saying? Are they shifting or something? Do you have a new number?
Mom: Listen to me carefully Mrignaini; let it sink properly whatever I am going to tell you now. Please think about it carefully and then decide what you want to do.
I: Oh mom, please do not create suspense out of this, tell me please, what is the matter?
Mom: Neither Sudhakar nor Manjusha like you calling them now and then.
I: Oh, what happened? Do I trouble them or something?
Mom: The day before you called Manjusha to ask about the gift, there was a huge fight between Sudhakar and Aaji.
I: A fight, why?
Mom: In that argument, Manjusha aunty accused me of stealing her jewelry during the time of your wedding.
I: What are you saying mom, what is this about?
Mom: From the past few days, uncle and aunty are not talking to your Aaji properly and when she confronted them, they said that it is about me and you and that we have made their lives miserable. Manjusha added that she saw me giving the same box to Akash's mom during your wedding, which she was not able to see in her jewelry box for a few days now. Your Aaji asked her then why didn't she tell her about the same then and there and that Aaji would have confronted me on the same. I have everything in written which I bought for your wedding and Aaji knows that very well. But then they didn't have anything substantial to back it up and just said that we both are a nuisance in their lives. So, I am telling you not to call them or talk to them further as they do not want to keep any contacts with us henceforth.
(I was numb, only words were hitting my ears, the meaning was far fetched)
I: ok, fine. I will take care in the future and see to it that I do not trouble them.
Mom: I know beta, you would be very sad to know all this, but then I couldn't let you get insulted by my brother or his wife. You are my pride and I will not tolerate anything said against you.
Instead of me consoling my mother, she was doing it. She has always been a strong woman and I wish I could get at least 10 % of what her conviction is!
I: I am sorry mom; they said things to you like this. But will you not clarify with them face to face and finish it off?
Mom: I tried no use, beta. They do not want to see me or meet me. I am not welcome @ their new house also. I will meet Aaji @ the old house, whenever I want to meet her.
I: Oh, does Tanmay know all this?
Mom: Yes, it happened in front of him. So, do not expect any call for confirming the receipt of your birthday gift.
I: Ok mom. Don't worry, everything will be fine.
Mom: I don't think so. Bless you, beta, bye.
I didn't know what to do. Should I call mama and ask him what is the matter and that it is just a misunderstanding or should I wait for a few days for it to settle? It might be just a temporary storm which has caused such a great stir in our lives and it will soon wade off.
I was wrong.
*************************************************************
I waited for the acknowledgment of the receipt of the voucher from Tanmay and was also excited to know what all stuff he got and how much fun he had shopping. But then the month of January passed and in April, mama, and Mami celebrate their wedding anniversary. I thought it would be a good occasion to send flowers and the misunderstanding would have vanished and forgotten by now. I sent some beautiful flowers addressing them to Manjusha Mami and wished her and mama a very happy wedding anniversary. I was expecting a call from Mami thanking me and telling me to forget whatever happened in January, but then I kept on waiting till June when uncle called me one fine day to tell that they got the gift voucher and the bouquet of flowers. Call cut! That day was my wedding anniversary when he called and he didn't even wish me? Did he remember the day when I got married? He cried like a baby when he brought me to the pedestal where I was supposed to garland Akash. I comforted him and tried to console him and he forgot my anniversary? Is he doing this purposely or does Manjusha Mami not want that he keeps any contact with me or my mom?
How could the threads of love and affection built with so much care and confidence break off with one gush of wind of some fanciful thinking? Was the bond created with my mama so weak that it stopped to function one fine day just because he was in a fit of anger and spoke something like we are causing him a nuisance? How could he ever think and speak like the way he did that day with Aaji? Did he not think of calling me once and clarifying things with me? If he had something to say to my mom, she was his own sister, he could have easily taken her into confidence and confided into her if he had some personal problems. Accusing his own sister of stealing something was taken so easily by him; he didn't even say firmly to Manjusha Mami that she was wrong and that my mom could never do such a thing. But people, rather our own people prove us so wrong. They do not even think of all the good times spent together and just erase everything of the past and keep only the momentary misunderstanding and anger in mind.
I slowly accepted the fact that now they are not going to be a part of my happiness or grief. I have to leave them where they chose to go their separate ways and I have to close the chapter of my mama, mami, and Tanmay whom I considered as my own family.
*************************************************************
Manas and Asawari: Aai (it's the mom in Marathi!) we are home and hungry like pigs, can you make us a salad please or Poha would be really great!
My kids were like me, enthusiastic about eating, but they were one step ahead. They have tried everything possible on earth with their Dadda, a very cute way of addressing Akash. Akash eats everything except human being, cows, and cream on milk. He has encouraged them to eat everything that comes in front of them so that they never go hungry if they lose their way in jungles of Arizona or the Thar Desert. I have no idea when my kids are going to venture like Bear Gayles (Host of the show "Into the wild ") on the Discovery channel into the most difficult parts and landscapes of the world and then give survival tips to the people. Akash and my kids watch the show regularly though Bear Gayles is now into his 70's and is mostly indoors nowadays. That program is very old, but they still watch it like it is happening in front of them right now. I am very amused to see them sit together on the porch and watch Bear with all concentration, keeping the eyes glued to the television set. But, I am happy that they are eating food without much fuss and I am not encouraging them to eat junk food or chocolates all the time. Once a while, when they get good grades or do well in some sports or other activities, I do take them out.
I prepared their favorite dish of Poha (beaten rice, a famous dish in Maharashtra and called Avalakki bath in Karnataka) and we ate to our heart's content. They both went to their rooms to watch their favorite Popeye show and after warning them not to fight over it; I sat to read a new book, which I got delivered from Librarywala, the famous online library today.
The phone rang again:
Thinking it to be Akash's, I ran towards it enthusiastically, he usually calls to talk to the kids before going to bed and then the whole day is revised again to dadda and only then my kids go to sleep peacefully. I like the way they bond with Akash at least now. I am not sure of the future as children have different worlds of their own once they grow up and then only husband and wife remain for each other, to be with each other.
I: Hello, Mrignaini Phadke here.
From the other side: Hello Munnu, Sudhakar mama here.
It didn't register in my head for 2 seconds. The name sounded familiar, but it could not evoke any recent image in the head and I was searching for the face of this name and suddenly "Eureka" happened. This was my mama. How on earth did he get my landline number and how could he call me after a sudden disappearance from my life 10 years ago?
I: Hello mama, how are you?
(I was just asking without actually meaning it)
Mama: I am very well, thank you. Congratulations on the award. You have made me proud, I always knew that you would make it big and would set an example to all other people. You are the best daughter one could ever have.
(He was not stopping for a moment and I felt as though he wanted to speak everything that he wanted to tell me from the past 10 years. I was at the receiving end and was hearing showers of praises heaped on me. I was neither elated nor happy to listen to his words. I was just hearing some clutter, I thought, which has lost its meaning in some misunderstanding created by some person.)
Mama: I want to meet you beta, I hope you are still in Bangalore? I am here for a field visit and will go back on Sunday evening.
I didn't know whether to say yes to meet him or politely refuse him. I hesitantly took down his contact number and the hotel address where he was staying and told him that I will get in touch with him if I happen to decide to meet him. He just said one thing before cutting the call.
Mama: Beta, there are some things which you might need answers to. I have being carrying this burden for so many years and now before the final call comes; I want to settle all the accounts.
I wanted to shout, is it that easy that you want to settle the accounts like erasing some numbers here and adding a few there? What does he want to tell now? Did he ever remember me all these years? Did my thought even cross his mind all these years? Did he ever inquire about my whereabouts after we ceased to be in touch? All these thoughts were making me crazy and I decided to talk about this to Jitendra over Saturday brunch.
*************************************************************
We met up at Sapna's Bookhouse after I dropped the kids to the half-day workshop. I am happy to keep them engaged somehow rather than wasting their time watching television or playing computer games. In my summer holidays, I always went to my aaji's place in Pune and had fun which was so very missing in my kid's lives and in fact all the kids of their generation. I used to play so many outdoor games with friends in my aaji's chawl. We never thought of the scorching heat that time and all we knew was to just make the best of summer holidays as if they were not going to come again. We also had the best of snacks at that time. We homemade aam panha and barf golas, mango shakes, and whatnot. Oh, even thinking about that makes my mouth water. I must take my kids once to Pune to savor all this stuff, which they have never tasted.
Jitendra: You look worried, what is the matter? Anything troubling you? You said that you want to talk to me on some urgent matter which has come up from nowhere?
I: Yes. Jitendra, remember my mama about whom I had told you during our initial days in ABC Company?
Jitendra: Oh yes, I do. You were very attached to him and his wife and kid and then suddenly some misunderstanding happened and they cut all their contacts with you and your mom?
I: Yes, correct. I got a call from him after your call that day and I was taken aback when he said he wants to meet me.
Jitendra: Did he really say that? Is he in Bangalore? How has he remembered you after so many years? What does he want now?
I: I am trying to find answers to all these questions you just asked from the time I spoke to him. But I also know that I will not get any answers until I meet him and ask him.
Jitendra: Yes, you are right. I think you should take this chance of clearing all the mess which has happened at that time. Maybe now that you have grown up and have seen the world and have a better insight into people and matters, your hurt and anger may subside with whatever he wants to tell you. Maybe you would be able to forgive him and his family for whatever they did to you and mom and in turn, you would forgive yourself also for keeping that hurt and anger in your mind unnecessarily in your heart for so long.
I: Is it unnecessary to keep the matters so close to heart buried like this for so long Jitendra?
Jitendra: Yes, my dear. It is. You are in the best phase of your life, but somewhere in some corner of your heart, you might be still hoping or wishing to talk to them and tell them how successful and happy you have become. You can show them all your possessions and awards and your 2 lovely kids and make them feel proud, isn't it?
I: Jitendra, all this is too far fetched. I just hope that I am able to face mama and not cry before him. I want to show him that I am strong and am not going to show any signs of have missed them all these years.
Jitendra: It is but very natural to get emotional and choked after seeing your loved one after so many years when he has come with some explanation of whatever happened in the past. I think you should be your normal self and then decide what exactly you want to do for him.
I: So, you also think that I should go ahead and listen to whatever he wants to tell me, right?
Jitendra: Yes, very much. You should give yourself and your mamaji another chance to clarify things and make the present and future much more desirable.
I: Ok Jitendra. Thanks for instilling the confidence in me and encouraging me to meet him. I will let you know what happened. I hope something good turns out of our meeting.
Jitendra: Yes, dear. Definitely something good is on its way as it is said life is a box of chocolates and you never know what life is offering you, but you should always treat it as your best and last chocolate.
I: thanks Jitendra, talk to you soon.
I left Dominos on a positive note and was anxious the whole day. The day was just not ticking and Sunday seemed so far. I called mama where he was put him and told him that I would be coming to see him at 11 am tomorrow. I would leave the kids with Pranjali and they would have their brunch with her son, Ninad, who is not only their big bro but also their punch bag and uncle Sam. Pranjali and Avdhut are our family friends and we stay close to each other. Avdhut and Akash have played as kids and his and Akash's moms are like sisters. So now that love and bonding is carried to the third generation and is passed on to Ninad and my 2 lovely kids. I would call her now itself and tell her about this sudden development. I am sure; she won't mind and would be more than happy to accommodate my adorable kids for brunch tomorrow.
*************************************************************
I left Asawari and Manas at Pranjali's place and headed straight to a florist. I bought a nice bouquet of flowers, packed some nice biscuits from the bakery and drove down to the hotel in my Polo. Being able to drive without any dependency on anyone feels so great. The world seems to be a much better place to venture out. I can do all my hobby classes such as dancing, candle making, teach German on a part-time basis and also take my kids out for different workshops and parks where they can explore new things. I also take them to meet their friends over birthday parties or to some restaurant like McDonalds where kids love to party.
I was driving mechanically, which was quite dangerous. All types of thoughts were flashing through my mind. I was trying to rehearse the opening lines of the conversation with my mama. How was it that I was struggling for words and sentences to talk to my very own mama? It might be due to the huge wall of silence between us all these years, I thought. Once the conversation starts flowing, it will be easier to ask about Mami, Tanmay. Tanmay would have grown tall now, must be doing a job now. Which line has he chosen now? How does he look now? Does anything from the past remind him of me? I wanted to ask all these questions to mama as soon as I will see him. I parked the car in the parking lot of the hotel and walked up to the 2nd floor and knocked on 201 at exactly the time, I had promised mama to be there.
Mama (from inside): Yes, come in.
I: Hello mama, Good Morning! How are you?
Mama: It's you Munnu! I am so glad you came, please come inside.
I looked at mama. He had grown so old, grey hair, he had big spectacles on. His shoulders were drooping, he looked so tired and had wrinkles on his face. He asked me to sit. I offered him fresh flowers and biscuits and he was very happy. I remembered how I used to go to Pune as a child in the summer holidays and he used to get me things while coming home from the office. He used to get me chocolate or bhel or vadapav or groundnuts. How time changes and we have swapped the roles now!
I: How have you been mama? How is your health? How come you have come to Bangalore? Have you changed your job or something?
I had so many questions to ask him at the same time, but then I thought he might get embarrassed and I stopped them by putting my thoughts to a halt!
Mama: Yes, I had come here for a field visit. I am into the Insurance domain now and had come here to inspect certain things regarding some cases. I took your number from an old e-mail of yours and tried that. Thankfully, you hadn't changed the number. So, I could get in touch with you and thought of meeting you in person after whatever happened at that time. We never saw each other or spoke to each other.
Mama had directly broached the topic now, without beating around the bush. At least, I do not have to play with words and can ask freely what I always wanted to ask.
I: Yes, didn't you feel once to clarify things with aai or me? I was big enough to understand what was happening. You assumed that aai stole mami's jewelry and you cut all the contacts with me and aai?
I had started blaming him for whatever happened at that time. Without giving him time to answer or defend, I was heaping all questions I had accumulated all these years in my head. Mama was very calm and composed and he didn't look perturbed at all.
Mama: I can understand all your anger and pain, Munnu! God alone knows how I have stayed all these years away from you and Sarita, your mom. I always knew that you both were innocent and Sarita would never do such a thing. But I also had no choice than to stay with your mami as you know my first marriage had failed and I didn't want even this mami to desert me. I know she is ignorant and foolish, but then she took care of me and my son, very well. She also looked well after your aaji till she was alive. I had nothing to complain about her. She didn't want me to keep any contacts with you and your mom, reasons, she never told me. I was also a coward and never asked her the reason for her strange behavior. I took everything in stride and accepted whatever she told me to do.
I started getting furious on knowing that mama was so helpless and a coward. He couldn't stand up for me and my mom, who existed in his life, even before this mami came. Just because he was afraid of her deserting him, he couldn't give her a sound explanation and tell her firmly that his sister and niece are innocent and they can never do such a thing. How could blood relations weaken in front of newly added relations?
Mama continued
Mama: I was taking everything that was thrown at me and then finally, I said enough is enough. I could not take it anymore. Tanmay was also studying in Aurangabad and we both couldn't carry on with each other's varied thinking styles?
I: What do you mean mama?
Mama: I do not stay with her under one roof now. I have given her enough of my life and savings and that will suffice her till she dies. Tanmay's education is also settled and hence I do not have any tension from that side. I have decided to spend my last years in penance for whatever I did to your mom, my mom and you. She wronged your mom in front of me and I couldn't even save you all from falling in her eyes. You all were so close to me and I lost you all just because of her. I will not be able to forgive myself for this and won't forgive her even.
I was dumbstruck. Just a while ago, I was cursing mama to be a coward and helpless. And he has taken such a big step to repent for whatever he did that time? He has confined himself to solitude and loneliness and in his days of retirement, he is doing a job which involves travel and there is no one to take care of him at home. He has to manage everything on his own. How did mami agree to stay separate from him when this is the time they need each other the most? This is too big a sacrifice for something which he did out of partial helplessness and partial ignorance. I suddenly felt so bad looking at him with this renewed vision that tears welled up in my eyes.
I: Mama, this is not the way to punish yourself mama. You could have mended it up with us and also explained mami about it. I am sure she would have understood.
Mama: Munnu, how I wish she could have! You, who were like our daughter, wouldn't have gone away from us like this. I wouldn't have missed all the important developments in your life. Your kids, your career as a free-lancer and an author, a German tutor, successful in almost everything you took up. (Mama knew everything what I was up to all these years.) Had your mami understood the value of people and bonds of love, she wouldn't be sitting alone in her house and you wouldn't be so away mentally from all of us. I just wanted to say sorry to you for all that happened because of me. I want to die in peace whenever my time comes.
I: Oh, don't say that mama. I have forgiven you already and in the process, I have forgiven myself of all the pain and anger, I harbored against you and Mami. I do not have anything against you and please do not feel bad about whatever happened. Just forget it and look to the future.
We both smiled at each other with tears in our eyes and we just sat there without speaking with each other for a while. It was time for me to leave now. We both knew that something broke which was beyond words and we both felt light and relieved. We both were choked and didn't know how to say goodbye. I didn't invite him over to meet the kids and Akash, and he also didn't ask about them at all. He had come here for a purpose which was to clear things with me and he did just that. Not beyond that. I wondered if the old mama whom I knew had died inside this physically present mama of mine. He had strangely become very detached from everything and he didn't show any signs of wanting to renew and meet up with old contacts which were cut deliberately.
He came to leave me at the door and after waving a goodbye; he shut the door with the same coldness with which he said he is staying alone now. I didn't want to break this aura of coldness and stillness which he had deliberately wrapped around himself. Maybe he was with himself in that way.
I went to the parking lot and took the car and had a look at the balcony of his room. He wasn't there in the balcony too. But I could see his sad and tearful eyes behind the curtains looking at me and hands as if they were blessing me.
I started driving and thought.
Some things just remain the way there are.
No comments:
Post a Comment