There are no answers to certain questions in this world. Though we have reached the moon and have almost everything in this world accessible at the click of the button, still there are some aspects of human life and it’s functioning, which have been intriguing the scientists and doctors even today. What happens when a person dies? Where does his so-called soul go? If the soul or mind is present in the body, why can’t it be photographed or depicted graphically in a MRI or a body scan? What happens when the mind and body co-ordination fails? There might be many theoretical answers to these questions which may seem to be real, but nothing has been proven yet. And that’s why it makes a human life all the more precious and that is the reason why it should be cherished and looked after well. It is a combination of so many cells, nerves, tissues, bones, oxygen, and blood. I may have missed a few other vital elements too. And yes, how can one forget the super boss, the brain which supervises the functions of other organs so that we can carry out the regular day-to-day activities.
The development of this super boss is a bit late when we talk about the inception. But it is indeed amazing to see a fetus in the womb of its mother. I think it is just like magic or a miracle which takes shape in a period of 9 months. The month by month development of the baby is backed by so many back-end operations, isn’t it? The final product is a baby of flesh and blood readied by tireless efforts of every small organ in the reproductive system of a woman and then later in the body of the baby itself. But then why are some women not able to be a part of this miracle? Why can’t they be the medium of bringing a throbbing baby to life? Again, there are scientific explanations of why some women are unable to conceive. There are innumerous treatments available in the market, which I think have mushroomed everywhere like any other business assuring harried couples that even they can be a part of this miracle. Earlier this very phenomenon occurred without any complications and was very natural and easy. My mom never went for scan or a gynecologist every month to get herself checked and for me it has become so difficult to bring her grandchild in this world.
I have been married for close to 4 years now. I have always loved babies from the time, I do not even remember now. First two years of marriage were spent in adjusting emotionally and physically with my husband and when we both thought that we are ready to start a family, I underwent a scan just to check everything was ok. It started trying at that time, but then after repeated and sincere efforts, nothing was coming through. I consulted the gynecologist once again and she suggested that I go for a scan so that we would be able to know if any assistance was required. That scan showed that the follicle size in the ovaries is not mature enough to ovulate (release an egg). No natural egg release means no scope for the fertilization to happen and no scope of a baby being born out of it. That doctor advised me to take some injections to artificially stimulate the follicles so that they release egg. I was never very pro for such kinds of medical treatments which are rampant nowadays. There are so many side-effects that one has to suffer after these treatments, that one would be left thinking it is better to be childless than to suffer so much. Though the technology and science have advanced in leaps and bounds in the past 10 years, there is no single medical treatment, I believe, which swears that it is harmless to the body and does not have any side-effects. I somehow was not convinced and didn’t get time to do that session of injections and artificial stimulation.
We were trying on and off for about 8 to 10 months. I reduced my weight thinking that obese people can’t conceive easily. I literally starved myself to be able to conceive effortlessly. I am sure; it must have done some damage to the body, which can’t be traced medically. Now that we were again very serious about starting the family and it hadn’t happened yet, we decided to visit an infertility clinic. The problem was obviously in me as his reports were all normal. So I got another scan done, in which this time, to my utter disappointment there were no follicles at all. And there was a cyst sitting right there very proudly laughing at my state. Cysts are also a major contributor to infertility and inability to conceive. No follicle in the ovaries this time left me sad and upset. Instead of having made a positive development by taking proper diet, reducing my weight, doing exercises, staying happy and calm, the growth of follicles had got regressed in the ovaries. Is there any explanation for this? The doctor has no answer, he says it happens, it is very common. This month there are no follicles does not mean that there won’t be any in the next cycle either. There is no particular pattern in which the body behaves every month. Nothing can be predicted, nothing can be assured, and we can just keep hoping is what I derived from that doctor’s talks.
This doctor wants me to take injections and stop the menses for 3 months. He wants to create a tendency called pseudo-menopause, which he believes will cure me of the pain during menses and also relieve me of cysts which are nothing but bad eggs, that can’t become a baby. Stopping a natural phenomenon which had been occurring from the past 16 years is a very scary thing for me. The reaction of that drug on the mental and physical health should also be considered. My husband believes that stopping the menses is logical enough and we should go for a second opinion (only because I am not comfortable with this very idea) and then decide the course of action. He also has his own logical reasons saying that I need not be upset about it at all and should be happy that at least the problem is identified. Had I been born 100 years ago, everybody would have cursed me for not being able to bear a child and the family and the society would have ostracized me and would have made my life a living hell.
I agree completely with him that things have changed a lot in the past 100 years. But then is it not “normal” enough to feel bad on being a failure in this regard when all my near and dear friends are becoming proud mothers and fathers seeing and commenting the smallest development of their child. Has the emotionality of ladies changed over the past 100 years? Have they stopped feeling sad or getting upset because they have become financially and emotionally so advanced now? No, I do not think so. There is a mother hidden in every woman, there is a motherly tendency in every little girl or woman and some are fortunate enough to become mothers in real to their kids and some just remain foster mothers only. So even though I know that my problem is not the end of my world and existence, it has shaken me to a large extent and I would definitely require time to come back to normal. I will take a second opinion and that doctor would tell me something new and may confuse me still further. But I have to be hopeful. Praying, chanting, being helpful and cheerful would definitely bring me something good, though late was what I believed all this while, but then my medical condition and reports have forced me to re-consider it. Why it had to be me? What harm have I done to anyone that this happiness of becoming a mother is constantly evading me month after month? What wrong am I doing to my body that the body is just not able to produce something which is so common in all other women?
Is this an end of all my hopes and aspirations to become a mother or is this is a temporary pause for something big coming my way in future or is this a new beginning of self-realization that there are many other good things in life to cherish and enjoy and contribute rather than crying over something which is just unexplainable and out of my scope and anybody’s understanding?
Only time will tell.
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