My thoughts

They say marriages are made in heaven and they are carried out on earth. How much is the truth in that? Marriages do take place on earth, but is every marriage made in heaven successful on earth? Today, when I look around, I see lot of people getting separated after staying together for a couple of days as they realize that they can’t carry on with the other person for a longer time. I have many friends who do not want to get married just for the sake of it and then get separated later. Many people have got married after falling in love and now they are wondering themselves, is this same person whom I had fallen head over heels in love? Expectations, duties, responsibilities all get mixed up and then starts the journey of just being with each other physically and energies get diverted elsewhere.. Some people make it a point to cut off all contacts from the person by seeking a legal action against of dissolving the institution which had gotten them together.

Monetary freedom of women is one of the causes for the disintegration of the family. Being a woman, I say this, because I have seen so many women who do not want to adjust anymore and prefer living life on their own terms and conditions rather than living with some person decided by the parents. Single women are on increase and they do not feel the need to get married to lead a content and happy life with a partner. Being able to spend and be assertive has helped women gain new heights in life which was not even imaginable by our grandmothers. My life has been definitely different than my grandmother’s, but she was so happy and content with whatever little my grandfather earned. But now, the more I have, the less happy I am.

My world was shaken by this incident which I forced to have a renewed thought on life and relationships. My friend, 1 year senior to me in school, whom I took as my brother got married 2 months ago. It was a love marriage and they waited for many years for him to get a good job and then they told their parents about their wish to spend rest of their lives together. The wedding took place, everybody was happy and I was happy for them as they finally settled with each other. There is no other joy to marry the person whom you love the most and I can picture myself and my friend, who then became my husband in place of them. Everything seemed to be so rosy and good and bliss. And the other day he calls me and tells me that his wife passed away in the last month. I was speechless. I couldn’t react. I couldn’t console him. She was detected Jaundice and within 10 days, she was gone. I had seen such scenes in movies and for an emotional person like me, it was always something which moved me to tears and now this brother of mine had to undergo all this. How did he cope with it? What went wrong? Death is the most inevitable thing in everybody’s life, but still I hadn’t expected that something like this would happen to someone near and dear to me. Their life was just beginning; it was just blossoming and all of sudden why did destiny snatch her away from him in such a cruel manner. I am sure, he must be having many such questions in his mind and he would be devastated after her sudden exit. But then, there is nothing much we can do against things which are already written for us.

This incident brought me back to a series of thoughts and I wanted to shout to everybody who fight for trivial reasons and get separated just for the sake of not being able to adjust. I know so many couples who have lost the charm of their marriage and keep on bickering and fighting and complaining. All it takes is a change of mind-set and a trait of accepting the person as he is. As in case of my brother, he had no opportunity to bring her back, but the people who can do it, should think twice before breaking the bond of marriage.

After all life is adjustment and we need to adjust a bit with everybody we meet in this world. In office, we do whatever our boss says so why not at home, when husband wants tea or when wife needs help in cutting vegetables? After all it is mutual love and respect for each other which keeps any marriage ticking. How long does it take to give a hug to the person when he is sad and down? How much rupees are spent when you praise your wife’s new hair cut? It is these small things which work wonders in life and I think, everybody who thinks he/she is bored in any relationship must go that extra mile and bring that person back. It is very important that you call that other person back in your life or then it gets too late and then you keep on waiting for that person for eternity. It is said that it is easy to fall in love, but extremely difficult to remain in love. Falling in love takes place in 99 % of people, but hardly 5 % of them can claim that they still love their partners.

Rough phases come in everybody’s life, but then when you have a supportive partner with you, everything sails fine. I am not saying that all marriages are flawless and the partners should also be perfect. No, they should help each other grow and be a constant source of inspiration to each other. Differences are bound to be there, but finding something common and enjoying it makes more sense than living separate life under the same roof. So reaching out to the partner in everyday life is more important than talking to them only in case of problems. A smile, a hug, a word of praise, a hand for support make the world a beautiful place. So, before giving up on the person whom you have liked and loved, it is very important that you look into yourself and then change yourself before expecting the other person to change. Once you change, the whole world will appear changed to you and breaking of marriages would not happen for trivial reasons and misunderstandings.

As someone has rightly said, “True love doesn’t have a happy ending: because true love never ends”. So let’s be a little more accommodating and adjusting and this will surely make us go a long way with our partners with love and respect growing for each other with the passing years.